


One move

by OTPsforlife



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Angels are Dicks, Collar, Dean is a dick, Dean wants to rule the world, Demon Dean, First ever fic, Forced Sex, Light Angst, Light Bondage, Morning Sickness, Most of the time, Mpreg, Multi, Oral Sex, Panic Attack, Pregnant Castiel, Pregnant Sex, Protective Castiel, Protective Sam, Season 10 AU, Time Travel, Unplanned Pregancy, War, attepts of child murder, my boys are in love, other tags and characters may be added, power baby, spells
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-14 02:51:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11773974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OTPsforlife/pseuds/OTPsforlife
Summary: The angels were desperate. Really desperate. The spawn of Lucifer was upon the earth. They had never been faced with this before. So they made a desperate decision. They would make a child in equal strength, if not stronger. Raziel, the angel of secrets told them a child of a powerful demon and an angel would suffice. But for a child to be made between the tro races they needed to love each other. They could only think of one demon. Dean Winchester turned by the mark of Cain, and one certain angel. Many angels was against the idea of Castiel being responsible for the child, but it had to be those two. Therefor the angel of spells, Harut, went back in time to Deans demon days to cast the necessary spell on the two lovebirds. It would make the child easier to conceive for Castiel in a male vessel, and make sure neither of them would want to get rid of the child. It would also shift the priorities of the men. Making sure number one priority for both of them was each other to the child was made.This is just my excuse for bringing back demon Dean back and making Cas pregnant.





	1. The beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: English is not my first language so there may be some errors.

Castiel had never had much to do with humans. He was of course, like all angels, a guardian, a soldier, protector of humanity. But he never actually spoke with them, healed them, helped them. He only observed them. Like paintings at a museum. But that didn't mean he didn't love them. 

They were beautiful, are beautiful. Everyone so alike and so different. All of God's creation was beautiful, but Castiel thought humans were the most beautiful. Especially Dean Winchester.

Castiel would never forget the first time he saw Dean Winchester. He had expected a broken, pale and dying soul on good way to become a filthy demon when the angels went down to hell to save the righteous man. But what Castiel got was the most beautiful soul he had ever seen in his many millenias.

Castiel was far from exceptional in fighting. He wasn´t bad, no angel was, and he got better after meeting the Winchesters, but he had never had much practise in his job as a guardian. If there was something Castiel was good at it was flying. He was exceptionally fast.

It was this ability that made Castiel reach Dean first. But it was too late, the first seal was broken. Some angels may have left him there when they saw him torture another soul, but Castiel had been mesmerized by Dean instantly.

He saw everything there was to see about Dean. His guilt, anger, regrets, love, sorrow, joy. Absolutely everything. Castiel didn't think twice. He gripped Dean and flew out of hell.

After that it became more and more difficult to remain to be as angels should be. He felt. He feeled. He fell in love. He became a angel with human feelings.

He couldn't help it. Dean was fascinating. Dean was brave. Dean understood. Dean made him understand. Dean was just so… human. Perfect, the righteous man. 

Maybe it was the lack of human contact. Maybe it was Castiel's love for humans. Maybe it was fate. Maybe it even was God. Anyways, Castiel fell in love with a human and put him in front of everything. Dean was and would always be his everything. Castiel found a home with the Winchester´s.

Then Castiel did the thing he regretted most of all. He betrayed Dean. He played God, set the Leviathans on earth, killed thousands of angels and humans, and driven Sam insane. He never intended it. He just didn't want to drag Dean out of his new life. Dean deserved peace and joy. A happy ending. It was why Castiel fetched Sam from hell, for Dean. 

After that it was as though there was a rift between him and the Winchesters. They may have forgiven him after a while, but he neither believed him or forgave himself. He wasn't used to be forgiven for his mistakes.

Castiel understood his feelings for the oldest Winchester when he slept with April. He had completely freaked out. Bad things happened when angels and humans fell for each other. 

But mainly Castiel panicked because he feared what would happen if Dean found out. Dean would kick him out, hate him, despise him. Castiel would never be welcome with the Winchester´s again if he found out. So he did what most humans do, bury it and ignore it.

Then Dean just had to go and get that damned mark and die. Metatron had killed him. Metatron knew his love for humanity, for Dean. He had been bragged about Dean's death. Castiel had cried like a baby as soon as Metatron was led away by Hannah.

Now it had been a week since Dean's body disappeared. Castiel had buried himself in books while Sam was out hunting Demons. There was no clue about either Dean or Crowley. It was as though they had ceased to exist. 

 

____________________

 

Dean was having the time of his life. He got to do exactly what he wanted without unnecessary feelings. Being a demon was so underrated. You were powerful, unfeeling, but still able to enjoy yourself. 

Dean knew there was an ulterior motive for Crowley to help him do what he wanted. The king of hell was lonely and wanted a bestie yes, but he wanted Dean for something. Most likely to be his bodyguard or something.

Not that Dean cared. He kinda owed Crowley for helping him on his feet with this whole demon thing, and as long as he got to do what he wanted and kill who he wanted there were no reason to object. 

Life was good. Dean was currently shagging some girl with startling blue eyes in his motel room. He loved to be in control, he loved having people begging him. He loved making people writhe and moan under him. 

After all, demons are possessive by nature. Dean finished by one last forceful thrust before slumping down on the bed. There was something missing… usually he would be completely sated now. He had everything. Could have everything. What was missing?

“That was really great” the girl breathed. Sophia Dean thought her name was. He had almost forgotten she was there. She looked down at her watch. “I should go home.” She said before she got up and started plucking her clothes up from the floor. 

Dean breathed happily. Thank God this girl wasn't one of the clingy ones. He didńt like it when they were that. Although, Dean chuckled, God had probably little to do with this. He got up heading towards the shower trying to shake of the nagging feeling of something missing. Damn feelings.

“Hey Dean.” Sophia said. Dean turned his head with a hand on the doorknob. She wasn't going to cling after all was she? Her eyes was on the firstblade lying on Dean's jacket on the floor. Sophia tilted her head a bit to the side and her baby blues looked confused. Then she shook her head and looked at him again and said with a false smile. “Nice knife” before she headed out the door.

There! Realisation hit Dean in the head like a baseball bat. Why hadn't he realised sooner? It was obvious! He wanted the angel. Dean turned on his heel and picked up his phone. 

“Ah, squirrel.” Purred Crowley. “Already done with that girl?” Dean didńt bother wrapping it in. “I want Cas.” He stated before starting dressing himself. Shower completely forgotten. 

________________________

 

“Castiel is in the bunker.” Crowley finally surrendered. They had been arguing for the last ten minutes. Crowley wasn't surprised about Dean's want for Castiel, -those two had wanted to shag each other for ages, anyone could see that- but it was to risky for Dean to take the angel when he was with Sam. The youngest Winchester was dangerous and had a fair chance of getting a hold of Dean in his own domain. But Dean was as stubborn as the tide. 

“I want him.” Was his main argument. Like a damn brat. Crowley understood it was meaningless to try persuade him. At least if he didn't want to anger him. Suicidal was something Crowley was not. 

“Can we at least do this like professionals?” Crowley asked as Dean headed towards the door. The damn guy was like an obsessed puppy. Angelface was the only thing on his mind. 

“Sure.” Dean said turning back to Crowley. “Cause´ I need a favor.” Crowley was glad he wasn't Castiel when he saw Dean's evil smirk.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. School has been a real slofette. The smut is my first and probably crappy. Consider yourself warned.

“I still don't understand the sudden need to get inside Castiel's pants.” Crowley sighed. “I thought you were done with him and moose. I thought we agreed there would be no distractions in our partnership,” He continued, trying once more to get Dean to change his mind.

“I didn't ask Crowley,” Dean growled irritated. The king of hell didn´t understand. He needed Cas with him. He needed to see those baby blues, needed to run his fingers through that messy black hair. He needed to taste those plump lips, needed to taste and touch every part of the angels body. Needed to feel everything there was to feel, needed to claim. 

The angel was going to be his, his and his alone. Forever. Dean knew the gnawing empty feeling in his stomach would never go away if he didn't get his angel. Life as a demon would never be completed without his angel by his side. They could spend eternity together. Just the two of them. 

Crowley sighed again. If he didn't want to get Dean angry he couldn't push the subject further. Therefore reached he instead into his suit pocket and pulled out the items Dean had requested from him.

One of the items was a collar with enochian sigils carved into it that would bind Castiel's grace making him as powerless as a human. The other item was a bottle filled with the grace of an unfortunate angel whose fate had become keeping Castiel alive. 

“I´ve made sure your brother won't disturb us,” Crowley said as he handed the items to Dean earning a small nod of gratitude in return. A couple of demons wreaking havoc in Colorado would definitely catch the younger Winchester's attention.

Getting a hold of the angel would be pretty simple. Sam had summoned Crowley so many times that Crowley practically lived in the bunker now. He only needed to take Dean with him when he teleported inside. 

Then loverboy could get the grace inside his prey, get the collar on him and Crowley would zap them to one of his hotels. He would of course get one of his minions to hide the Impala from moose. Anything else would be an amateur move. 

“Perfect,” Dean smiled and stepped harder on the gas in excitement. Not many miles left to Castiel. 

 

__________________

 

Castiel woke up with a jolt. He´d fallen asleep on the pile of books he´d been reading about tracking spells and summoning formulas. None of those big books had helped at all. Nothing in them led him closer to finding Dean. 

A sigh of pure frustration escaped Castiel's lips. The stolen grace was fading faster than ever, Sam was growing more and more out of control, and it was nothing he could do to help. And Dean and Crowley had still disappeared into thin air. 

He pushed the books on the cold stone floor. ´A very human gesture´ he thought to himself as he looked down at the now messy floor. It would probably be wise to clean up. Sam would not be pleased when he came back from the demon lead and found the books scattered on the floor. 

He began to bend down to pick them up when he tensed up. Every nerve in his vessel told him something was up. That presence… it had to be… demons. The angel blade was in hand in a matter of seconds, body straightening up just as a blade pressed against his throat. 

“Ah, ah, ah,” a very familiar voice chided behind him. “Not so fast feathers.” A hand closed around his right wrist, twisting it until Castiel was forced to drop his blade in pain. 

“Crowley.” Castiel bit through gritted teeth. “Where´s Dean?” If the demon had come to boast about Dean's death then so his father help him he would… 

“Right here angelface.” 

Castiel's mouth fell open. In front of him stood Dean Winchester. The very man he had thought were gone forever. He was so filled with happiness he almost didn't notice the black eyes. Almost.

It was like getting stabbed in the stomach. Seeing Dean´s gorgeous soul twisted and corrupted by a demon's essence, seeing a demon's cruel face behind that beautiful face, seeing the body he had put together from scratch having demon horns, tail, and wings almost forced Castiel on his knees. This wasn't Dean, not really. 

The mark had destroyed his beautiful human. Dean didn't even look the same. His face was harder, colder, with bloodthirsty black eyes. His voice was rougher and deeper. Like he was constantly growling. He seemed downright evil. Ready to kill anything, anyone. He had to be cured. Castiel needed to save him.

“What's with the face Cas? Don't like the new model?” Dean stepped uncomfortable close, noses almost touching, his breath tickling Castiel's lips. Castiel swallowed thickly, feeling the blade on his throat almost break his skin. There was nothing comforting about Dean's presence anymore.

Even the once startling green eyes had a darkness to them as they looked at him with pure lust. Everything in Castiel's body told him to get the hell out of there. To run. But he knew even trying would be pointless. It would only suffice to make Dean angry. 

“You really are fading away huh?” Dean murmured, looking Castiel up and down, studying him. Staring at Castiel's fading grace with something that looked very like wonder. Castiel could see the demon writhe inside Dean's chest, longing to get at his grace, to impure it, destroy it it. Like every demon wanted. 

“Dean, please, we can fix this,” Castiel finally spoke, voice barely above a whisper. He knew it was futile, Dean would never want to turn back to human. But he had to try. His free hand raised slowly grasping Dean´s right above the mark. Hoping he could somehow pull the filthy mark away from his human. Like he had done with Sam´s craziness. 

“We can wait to Sam gets back, we know how to cure demons…” Castiel continued, but was silenced by Dean shoving a bottle inside his mouth. He realised the content of the bottle too late and grace spilled down his throat before erasing the old one. 

The familiar feeling of angelic euphoria ran through his veins, his senses heightened to the extreme. He could sense every atom, taste every molecule, smell every scent, see every color. It was if he was flying again. 

Free, surging through the air, feeling the wind in his feathers. He was free. Free of worries, stress, sorrow. Everything. For a few lovely seconds. Until a leather collar wrapped around his throat. 

The grace screamed as the sigils bound it. Every nerve howled in agony as the grace was drained from it. It was difficult to breath. His heart almost stopped beating. It was as though he was dying.

Crowley let him fall when his knees gave in, making Castiel fall straight into Dean's arms. A hand was placed in the small of his back pressing him closer. The other went on the back of his neck, just above the collar. Calloused fingers caressed his hairline softly. The sensation barely made it through Castiel's fog of pain. 

“You need to understand something little one,” Dean whispered into his ear. 

“Your little guilt ridden human Dean is never coming back. Never.” He gripped Castiel's soft hair, forcing him to look up at him. 

“I don't want him back.”

The kiss wasn't soft. A mere clash of teeth and lips with Dean's tongue probing inside his mouth. It was not pleasant at all. The fierce need Dean kissed him with almost had Castiel believing Dean was trying to eat him. Nothing like he had dreamt about.

Even though his body burned, even though he had wanted this kind of affection from Dean for so long, he still tried to push Dean away. It would have been easier to push away a brick wall. He couldn't accept Dean like this. Not when he could taste sulfur in his mouth. Not when Dean wasn't his Dean. 

Dean´s mouth left his, both short of breath. Saliva ran down Castiel's swollen red lips tickling his chin. The look in those green orbs sent a shiver down his spine. He had always believed Dean would never really hurt him. But now… now he wasn't so sure.

“You're mine now Cas,” Dean whispered in a husky voice before backhanding Castiel, sending him straight into that wonderful darkness. 

 

________________

 

Sam had barely slept the past week. Coffee. Research. Hunting. Repeat. That never ending circle had been his life ever since Dean's body disappeared. He had tried to summon Crowley, any demon he could come up with, countless times. He had tried crossroads, psychics, rituals, hell, he had even tried witches. 

Nothing and no one helped. It was as if Dean never had existed. `Sammy let me go´ was the only thing suggesting he was not. Sam would drive himself insane soon. Hell, he had already begun. If he didn't find something soon he would definitely do something he would regret. 

Not a thought passed through his mind when he got the notification of demon activity in Colorado. He had just left, leaving Castiel behind in fear of the angel getting hurt. The grace had ebbed out dramatically, and Sam couldn't afford worrying about him when he hunted. 

What a big laugh that was. Sam had managed to trap one of the demons, torturing it for hours. The thing only laughed at him, telling him what a big fool he was. Telling him he would never find his brother. Sam was about to give up when the thing gloated behind the bloodied lips of it´s vessel:

“You should have let your brother go silly Winchester. Now you don't even have your angel anymore.”

That he didn't get arrested for driving over the speed limit was beyond Sam´s imagination. It was obvious what the demon now laying in his trunk had meant. Crowley was going to take Castiel, probably to have his revenge for the whole purgatory thing. Or maybe to use him to get Sam of his ass. It really didn't matter. 

What mattered was that he had left Castiel was alone, sick, in the bunker. Sam had left him. Left him alone to fend for himself against whatever could worm its way inside the bunker. If then angel died to then so God help him he would shoot something. He should gotten an award for not doing it when he found Castiel gone with the stench of sulfur filling the room. 

__________________

 

The hotel suite was beautiful. Maybe a bit fancy for Dean´s taste, but still quite beautiful. With relaxing dark colours, comfy sofas and chairs and plush thick carpets the place looked really welcoming. Like this was a place you could really relax. Still, the most welcoming thing was the knocked out angel chained by the collar to his bed.

Thanks to his new black eyes he could finally see his angel. At least a part of him. Crowley had explained to him that everything had different versions, layers. Like a cake or a garlic. Demons for example had the demon essence, that was the black smoke thingie they always saw before they got possessed. 

They had the ugly twisted true faces and forms of a demon Dean had seen before be went to hell. And the version were a demon had been in his vessel for a long time, or in Dean's case were they didn´t need to jump bodies, you could see wings, tail, and horns. Which explained the portrayals of them in the lore.

As Dean looked down at Castiel and saw the power angels held. Even with the stolen grace bound he could see the force of it, the power, the pureness, filling Cas with a heavenly glow. 

He could see where his wings used to be and how fantastic they must have been. Big and strong and beautiful, just like the owner. It was a bit sad that his eyes would burn out if he saw the real Cas. The other angels had always called him pretty.

Thankfully was Jimmy Novak hot as hell and Castiel was practically sewn into the guy. It was like when someone got a tattoo, or dyed their hair. It wasn't originally there, but it became a part of the person's identity.

The bed creaked as Dean lied down beside his angel looking at the peaceful face he had when he slept. He wrapped his arms around Cas's shoulders bringing him close to his chest. Castiel stirred, eyes fluttering as he let out a sleepy moan. 

“Dean…” he mumbled opening his eyes. 

Dean pressed a soft quick kiss to his lips. “Right here sweetheart.” He ran his hand through Castiel's soft raven locks. To think the angel was finally to be his after so many years filled him with such tingly joy he actually thought he might explode any second. 

Castiel would object first the poor little soldier, always trying to fight his feelings. But Dean would make him understand. Castiel was his, he belonged to him, they would be together for eternity. The angel would understand. He just needed a little persuasion. 

“What are you going to do with me?” Cas rasped trying to hide the fear in his voice. The sweet little angel thought Dean was going to hurt him. How badly he was mistaken. What Dean was going to with him was not going to hurt him in any way. Well, maybe a little. 

“Nothing you won't like,” Dean replied before beginning to nip at Castiel's bare throat. The flesh was tender and sweet and Dean could practically taste the pureness of the grace. Oh, how he wanted to sully that pureness. To rip it away and destroy it- 

A whimper of surprise forced its way out of Cas´s throat as Dean bit down at the crook of his neck. He licked the wound, trying to send the message that he had not meant it. The angel had to be convinced this was the right thing. Then they could stay together. Forever.

Dean was going to take his sweet time. Find every weak spot. Find everything that made the angel tick. Take Castiel apart bit for bit. Mark every part of him, showing everyone who he belonged to. 

________________

 

Castiel was lost. Lost in soft kisses and light touches. Lost in deep kisses that made him forget everything there was. Lost in deep pleasure provided by Dean´s sinful mouth and tongue. His traitorous cock hard and leaking.

He knew he should be trying harder to get Dean away. That he should be kicking, pushing, screaming to get Dean away, but he didn't have the energy. This was the very thing he had dreamed about for so long, even if he didn't know it. And now it was handed to him on a silver platter.

Couldn't he have this for just one night? One small night compared to the lonely eternity he would be faced with later? Was it going to hurt anyone but himself anyway?

“You´re still so tense,” Dean mumbled against his nipple. “Just let me show you. I´m not going to hurt you.” 

Castiel knew Dean was trying to manipulate him. Manipulated to think that he had a choice, that everything would be fine if he just let it all go. That the real Dean would ever forgive him. 

“Please stop,” He pressed out. Fighting every urge to let this happen. “Please. Don´t do anything the real you will regret.”

He feels rather than sees the anger surge through Dean´s being. A hand raises. Castiel expected a hit, a punch. Anything you would expect from a knight a hell. But it doesn´t come. Instead strokes the hand over his cheek, careful, but Castiel can feel the restrained anger in it. 

“I want you to really listen to me now Cas,” Dean growled straddling Castiel's thighs, denim scraping against Castiel's cock. “He isn't coming back. He. Is. Dead. I´m not going to let him come back. EVER.” 

The hand traveled down from Castiel's cheek to his neck. Fingers lightly stroking over the sigils carved into it. 

“I don't really know why you want him back. I mean, you´ve always been there for him, even when you weren't on the same side. You've always come when he's called. You gave up your family, the only home you've ever known for him. Sure you´ve made your mistakes with Crowley and such, but that was just to keep him in his apple pie life wasn't it?”

Castiel just stared at him. He had never told Dean about that in fear of adding more guilt to the ever growing pile. 

“Everything you've done has actually been for him for him hasn't it? And he has still left you, deserted you when you have needed him. Tossed you to the closest enemy. He has never shown you how precious you are, how much you have meant to him. Why would you want him back?” 

Waiting for an answer Dean stared at Castiel. Every word had burned to Castiel´s core. Even as a demon Dean thought so low of himself, and Castiel could do as little now as before. The demon wouldn't listen no matter what he said. 

Dean´s hips rolled making Castiel moan in delight at that incredible friction. “I´m waiting angelface.” Dean said as he rolled his hips torturously slow. 

“Be… ugh … cause. Because… Ahh! Because he´s m-my family.” Castiel barely registered his own words when Dean rolled the denim particularly hard over his cock. He could feel how hard Dean was behind the rough material. 

“I´m your family now Cas,” Dean grunted as their cocks rubbed together. “You're going to stay with me. Forever.” 

Clothes were ripped harshly from Dean´s body before they were tossed carelessly on the floor. Castiel stared in awe at the gorgeous body he had build from scratch. Every curve, freckle, hair, muscle, bone, everything there was to know about that fantastic body was as familiar to him as the back of his hand. But it was still like seeing it for the first time. 

Why did he have to want this? Why had it to be him the demon craved? Was it because he was to weak to resist? Was this his punishment for all his wrongdoings? That his and Dean's first time would be with him tied up and his Dean being gone forever? 

Dean´s hands were back on him, feeling his body up and down, pinching his nipples. Wet kisses trailed down every inch of his chest as Dean made his way towards his crotch, mouth lingering a just a bit above his tattoo before nuzzling the curls above his hard cock. 

“Dean…” Castiel gasped as his dick was surrounded by Dean´s hot wet mouth sucking him down to his root bobbing his head teasingly slow up and down. 

“Being a demon really has its perks,” Dean chuckled lapping at Castiel's precum. “No gag reflex is one of them.” 

A moan that would make a porn star blush erupted from Castiel's mouth as Dean pressed his tongue against a spot just below the head of his cock. One hand around his shaft, the other playing with his balls. Automatically reached Castiel for Dean's head scraping at his short hair, but if it was to push him down or away he didn't know. All he knew was the lovely feeling of Dean's mouth on his member.

Dean sucked, licked, stroked, and pressed at his member with more proficiency than Castiel had ever thought him capable. Even in his most private moments when he had imagined something like this happening had Dean always been as inexperienced in this as himself. 

From the way Dean easily found every pressure point with his highly skilled mouth and tongue this was not the case. All thoughts of resistance and shame were washed away from Castiel's mind as Dean brought him closer and closer to the edge. Dean made sure to look at Castiel through it all, taking in every reaction and sound the angel made in his pleasured state. 

A soft pop filled the room, dragging Castiel a bit out of his fog. Some sticky transparent substance covered Dean's fingers. No. No. Not that. He couldn't allow this to happen. He couldn't let this happen to Dean. 

“Dean. No. Stop.” Castiel whimpered trying to scoot away from Dean. “This isn't right.”

“Shhhhhhh,” Dean soothed holding Castiel still while his lube coated fingers traced around his hole. “I know you want this. Just let go Cas.”

Castiel grunted as one finger breached him. The feelings it gave were odd, unpleasant, until the finger pressed against something. Something that made every muscle in Castiel's body spasm in ecstasy and made every thought disappear from his mind. 

“That´s it,” Dean smiled. “Just let good old Dean take care of you.”

The demon stripped away whatever was left of Castiel's resistance, hollowed him out of everything he believed could happen between the real Dean and him. Damn it all, why couldn't he just have told Dean from the beginning? Then he would at least know about Castiel's feelings before he died. 

Now could Castiel only try to suppress his tears of shame as his traitorous body responded to every touch the demon provided. A second finger was pressed inside his ass, slowly twisting him open for Dean's cock. This one came with a light burn, but Castiel barely noticed. He deserved i anyway, after all he had done.

“It´s very important that you relax.” Dean leaned over him pressing a kiss against his jaw. “Or this is going to hurt real bad.” 

“Stop…” Castiel sobbed, but Dean didn't listen. Instead he breached him with a third finger strengthening the burn as well as the pleasure. Dean made sure to hit that sweet spot with every slow stroke of his fingers dragging Castiel deeper and deeper into the pit. How was he suppose to relax then?

“Relax,” Dean commanded voice rough. “I´m not going to hurt you.” 

The real Dean would know he was hurting Castiel by not giving him a choice. By forcing him into doing this. 

“Stop it,” Castiel panted trying to push Dean away. It was like trying to push a brick house with your little toe. “I can help you… ugh… just… stop.”

“You are helping me Cas” Dean growled. “Sex is a real nice way the get the edge of, calm down you can call it. Keeping the need to kill a little longer at bay.”

What would make him stop? Could he even stop? Or was there no way out of this for the angel? Castiel keened and writhed as Dean pushed a fourth finger inside his loosened hole rubbing against his prostate. He just wanted this to be over with and pretend it never happened. Therefore he relaxed his muscles, letting Dean pass easily. 

“Good boy.” Dean praised before biting down at Castiel's neck, giving him another mark. “That´s my sweet little rebel angel.”

Crying in shame Castiel started to fuck himself down on Dean's fingers praying that the real Dean would forgive him eventually. Fingers pushed his relaxed walls apart, hitting his prostate again and again again, making Castiel moan and whine like a whore. 

Deeming him ready Dean withdrew his fingers before lining his hard big cock against Castiel's entrance. This was it. If Dean did this now things would never be the same again. They were always going to have this between them. Forever. 

“You´re so beautiful like this Cas,” The demon murmured as he pressed his way inside Castiel´s walls, relishing the face and sound the angel made. “So beautiful for me.” 

Castiel whimpered as Dean´s big cock stretched his ass apart filling him to the brink. He relaxed his muscles at best effort hoping with all his might that Dean would get this over with quickly. 

Maybe this would have been easier if the demon had hit or kicked him, reminding him this wasn't his Dean doing these things to him. Instead the demon almost showed a sort of kindness, making sure Castiel enjoyed himself in this affair. This was actually worse.

Dean withdrew his cock an inch before pushing gently back in again, making Castiel gasp in pleasure when his prostate was brushed. A groan erupted from Dean's throat as well as the demon laid down atop of Castiel pressing their chest together. 

“Cas, you feel so freakin´ good,” Dean panted in pleasure. “I can´t believe I haven't fucked your sweet ass before.”

A few trial thrust later the thrust got longer, harder, sending every thought out of their head. The only thing that mattered for them was getting more more more. Their bodies moved together in perfect in union as Dean varied his thrust making them both moan in ecstasy.

It went from gentle to rough, fast to slow, pounding to sliding, Dean stopping and kissing Castiel to give him a break before jackhammering him into the headboard, making sure to hit Castiel's prostate with every blissful thrust. 

One of Castiel's legs were tossed over Dean's shoulder allowing the demon to plunge deeper inside him, while Dean held his shoulders, keeping him in place. The hotel suite were filled with loud moans and curses as both parties were brought closer and closer to completion. 

“AHH… Dean… “ Castiel moaned as his orgasm approached. Almost there. Just a bit longer. 

Then Dean's hips stilled.

“Tell me you belong to me.”Dean demanded. 

“Dean. Please.” Castiel pleaded trying to get Dean to move. But Dean didn't budge so much as a millimeter. 

“Say it.”

“Please…”

“Say it.”

“You,” Castiel surrendered, fresh tears trickling down his face. “I belong to you.”

“Such a good boy,” Dean smirked jackhammering into Castiel. “My perfect Cas.”

In a matter of seconds was Castiel shouting out in pleasure as he gripped Dean's shoulders as tight as he could as his orgasm hit him. Semen spurted, painting their chests as Castiel rode his orgasm out, dragging Dean over the edge with him. 

Dean slumped down by his side, hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. The silk sheets were an empty comfort as Castiel wrapped them around himself, wishing sleep would come and take him away. But that would not happen. He would have to lay there with burning semen trickling out of his fucked hole, wishing he could just disappear. 

“You now another perk of being a demon?”

Castiel turned, praying to anyone who would listen that Dean would leave him alone. A shit-eating grin was plastered on Dean's face highlighting the wrinkles around his eyes. This was not good.

“They have really good stamina. You see, since we have completely control over our bodies, -others too- getting a hard on again after five minutes isn't really an issue. Sure we don't have complete control, but it doesn't really matter. ” Dean rolled over Castiel once more.

“It's the same for angels right? I mean you can remove lungs, give people cancer, heal others and yourself. What's one little boner to you guys?”

Hands began to play with Castiel's sheets, he could see the restlessness in Dean's essence. The demon wanted more. More, more, more, forever more. 

“What do you say angelface?” Dean´s eyes turned black, tongue placed between his teeth. “Ready for round two?”

Things got a bit foggy for Castiel after that point. They did it more times than Castiel was able to count. He remembered his face being pressed down into the pillows with Dean pounding into him from behind. Remembered Dean whispering dirty lies inside his ear and the feeling of semen filling him again and again and again. 

He remembered being taken in every position he could imagine wherever Dean could get him. They did it to all night, way past dawn. Both so exhausted after that they actually fell asleep. Neither of them knowing what this night brought to life. 

________________

 

It was like a massive save of pure energy rolled through every supernatural being on the planet. Hell noticed. Heaven noticed. Purgatory noticed. The bunker went insane. Even some humans felt it. 

Panic spread like fire through dry grass. Some didn´t understand what was happening but felt the danger in the wave. Others began to plan how they would get a hold of the powersource. Some set out to destroy it. 

The angels went batshit insane trying to find the angel that was pregnant. Their goal was to eliminate the child as soon as possible. The abomination could not be born.

The war was about to begin.

 

_______________

 

Castiel startled awake with a gasp. He was still in the hotel, in the exact same spot he had fallen asleep with Dean beside him. Only now was Crowley standing over him with a blade in hand. The king of hell looked confused, angry, and… scared. Why was Crowley scared of him? He was no threat anymore, not even to a puppy. Why was the king of hell scared of him?

“How…” Crowley croaked staring down at Castiel's stomach. “How is this possible?”

“What are you…” Castiel began but was interrupted by a warm hand being pressed against his stomach. 

“See inside yourself stupid little angel. See what's lurking inside you,” Crowley growled obviously frustrated. Castiel stared up at him with a confused frown before eventually closing his eyes. Whatever game Crowley was playing at it was best to just get it over with. 

“My grace,” he whispered, feeling a grace -his grace- pulse and writhe powerfully within every fiber within him. It was stronger than before, almost like an archangel´s. He could feel it´s power, terrifying and beautiful fight against the collar´s control. “It´s restored.” 

“Look deeper feathers.” 

And Castiel did. He searched deeper, trying to find out what Crowley was going on about. And there, barely even there was a faint presence that was both angel and demon. And it would seem… a bit human too. It seemed like whatever was human in Dean and him had joined the mix. They had created a child. He and Dean had created an abomination. He was pregnant. 

No, no, no, no, no, no! A feeling of pure dread ran through every vein, filled him to the marrow, erased every sight, every touch, everything except the sound of his own rallying breath. His heart started pounding as if it were trying to break through his chest and run away. A chill ran through his core rattling his bones. He couldn't breathe. 

This couldn't happening! Angels and demons couldn't have children. It was against their very nature. He couldn't be pregnant. They would hunt him down for this. They would never allow his child to exist. They would kill it. They would kill them both without hesitation. 

Or worse. This child would be powerful. It was barely conceived and had already given Castiel a strong new grace. Many would do anything for that kind of power. They were going to take his child, use its power for their own advantage. 

Oh God… what would Sam say? What would Sam do? What would Dean do?! What if Dean killed him? Or used the child to gain power? The demon couldn't know. Castiel had to get out of there. He had to run. 

Castiel threw up on the floor. Except, since he hadn't eaten for almost a year so the only thing coming out of his dry mouth was stomach acid. He retched as if his body decided it was best if he threw up all his entrails. 

“You have to go before he wakes up,” Crowley finally spoke, voice barely able to get through Castiel's fogg. He had something that looked like chocolate bar in his free hand. “Eat. You need something to stabilize your blood sugar level.” Crowley pushed the chocolate bar inside Castiel's hand before using the blade to cut the collar of him.

The restored grace hummed in joy at being freed. Power washed through him, making his eyes glow and almost washing his panic completely away. Air traveled calmly down his throat, finally letting him breathe somewhat properly. 

“Why… are… you helping me?” Castiel gasped out trying to calm down. “How did… he not wake up?” He looked at the demon still sleeping soundly by his side. It looked as if Dean hadn't´t even moved an inch the hole time.

“An old spell my mother used on me when I refused to go to sleep.” Crowley huffed handing Castiel his clothes. “He will not wake up for a while. As of why I´m helping you…” Crowley looked thoughtful, like he didn't really know why. “I don't want squirrel to know about the child. He´s already too powerful for my benefit.”

“But I have to take him back, we can cure him.” Castiel argued, chocolate bar in his mouth. He couldn't let Dean stay demon. Sam could cure him. They could get the real Dean back. “Then we can figure what we can do about this child.”

“Think Castiel. If the little monster restored your grace, what do you think it did to Dean? The cure won´t work. There is no guarantee it even worked before this happened. ” 

Castiel looked down at Dean's peaceful face. “I can't just leave him like this,” He mumbled running his fingers through Dean's soft hair. “I need to save him.” 

“That child will start a bloody war feathers. You need to run, get away, protect the little monster. Go to moose, hide. I will distract squirrel.” Crowley stopped short. “You do want to keep the kid right? Well it's not like you have a choice but…”

Castiel rubbed his hand over his stomach. His child, Dean´s child was something the world never had seen before, dangerous, an abomination, but… When he felt the little ones presence, it's soul, he could feel the similarity it had to his Dean. Maybe… maybe it would be good. Dean Winchester was it´s father after all and he was the best man Castiel knew. 

“Yes.” He answered getting his pants on. “If I can´t save Dean I can at least protect our child.” 

Crowley nodded before he went around the bed to Dean´s side. When he came back he had the first blade in his hand. “I will hide this. Neither of us should want him to have it.” Castiel was about to protest but stopped himself. It was best if the blade and the child were separated. Dean would look for it. 

“You should be gone when I'm back,” Crowley said before zapping out. Castiel was fully clothed now, trenchcoat and all. How would he get to Sam without getting caught on the way? He rolled his stiff shoulders, thinking, when it hit him. His wings. Maybe he could heal them and fly to the bunker! He concentrated, channelized his grace, pleading his child. Please, I need my wings back. 

It stung. It burned. It throbbed. Castiel could feel the bones grow, feel the skin stretch with strong muscles forming beneath, could feel every black majestic feather grow out. They were bigger than the old ones, but slimmer. He stretched them out trying to get used to the feel of them. 

He bent down over Dean pressing a tender kiss to his eyelids. “I`m sorry.” He breathed against the soft skin. “I love you.” The words were barely a whisper in the silent room. Castiel stroked Dean's chin one last time before he finally flew off with the sound of rustling feathers behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

This was stupid! It was just a damn door! It was almost childish, this fear of going inside the Bunker. Not _Angel of the lord_  like in the slightest, but Castiel couldn't stop it any more than he could stop the earth going around the sun. They had to talk, him and Sam, he knew that. Sam had to know, regardless of the urge Castiel had to puke again of imagining Sam's reaction. All he wanted was his child being safe. It was the last good deed he could do by everyone. Keeping his baby safe as long as he could was all he could concentrate on now, and The Bunker was one of the safest places on earth. They could be safe there, him and his child. Of course, that was only if Sam let them stay.

 

His body finally seized his commands and turned the door handle, and went inside. It was quiet, Castiel's own hesitating steps the only sound. The Bunker seemed so dead, unaffected, like a graveyard. There was not a sign of life, or change. Everything was just as Castiel had left it, like nothing had changed at all.

 

“Sam?” The call bounced from the walls in the empty bunker, echo traveling down the corridors. Castiel drew in a shaky breath. “Sam, are you here?”

 

A faint glimmer of hope ran through Castiel. Maybe Sam wasn't home yet. Maybe he could postpone telling Sam that he just had intercourse with the demonized version of his brother. Maybe he could actually have time processing the fact he was pregnant with an angel/demon hybrid for himself, before having to tell Sam.

 

How was he suppose to tell Sam?! His people skills weren't great to begin with, and he was pretty sure nobody in his shoes would know what to say either. Most people would probably want avoid and delay this conversation like it were the plague. Just like Castiel wanted, but couldn't do.

 

Three, there were three main ways Castiel could imagine Sam would react. Sam could throw Castiel out like Dean had done, leaving him to deal with Deanmon, their child, and everything else by himself. However, Sam could react the opposite way, letting Castiel stay in the safety of the Bunker with Sam, and they could work together in the task of bringing Dean back. Outcome three was so horrible Castiel almost didn't manage to think about him. That one was where Sam decided Castiel and his child were too big of a threat to let live, and killed both of them. A shudder ran through Castiel's spine.

 

Two out of the three outcomes were against Castiel. There was a 33,3% chance of success. Not comforting odds in the slightest. His heartbeats thundered in his ears, and exaggerated the sound of his echoing footsteps as he made his way down the stairs. The air was heavy, filled with the smell of concrete and old books. Just like it always had, filling Castiel with a sense of belong, like home.

 

“Sam?” He called again, shifting his weight from foot to foot. Even though Castiel hoped Sam wasn't home yet, that he could have some time alone to relax and sort through his thoughts, it was still unsettling if Sam wasn't home yet. He should have been home from the demon hunt by now. That is, if not something went wrong.

 

“Cas?” Sam's shiny hair perked out of the hallway, startling Castiel out of his thoughts. He looked like someone had decided to paint tiredness in human form, and ended up with Sam as a result. The bags under his eyes were more plain than ever, and his skin had a sickly glow. A certain amount of controlled desperation and relief could be found in his eyes though, making him look a bit more alive. “Where have you been?”

 

“I…” The angel stuttered, tensing up as Sam wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug.

 

“Thank God you're okay,” Sam breathed into his neck, his whole body sagging with relief. “I thought I was completely alone again.”

 

Castiel hesitantly returned the hug, letting Sam have his little moment of relief. With everything he'd been through, and had coming, the youngest Winchester deserved every peaceful moment he could get.

 

“Well. I'm here now” he began, taking a deep breath. If he postponed telling Sam any longer, he would never tell him at all. “I met Dean.”

 

“What?” Sam tensed up and pushed away from the hug, staring at Castiel in disbelief and joy. “You found him?”

 

The chair creaked as Castiel slumped down in it, motioning for Sam to sit as well. He was so tired, couldn't all of this just be finished? Fear was still present inside him, but after everything that had happened these last twenty-four hours he couldn't help the exhaustion that crept through his bones.

 

“Sam, Dean isn't Dean anymore,” Castiel tried to explain, shifting in his chair. “He's… The Mark transformed him into a… into a demon.”

 

He could physically see shock and denial paint Sam's face. See how every fiber of Sam's being rejected the idea of his brother being a demon, one of the very things he'd spent his whole life hunting. It pained Castiel to see it, fear and empathy rolling through him in waves.

 

“It can't…” Sam shook his head. “It's a trick, or some other demon riding his skin. It's not Dean, it can't be.”

 

“I'm sorry Sam,” Castiel breathed, trying to hold his voice steady. It was all his fault. Sam wouldn't have to deal with this if Castiel had not trusted Metatron, if he hadn't been so desperate to do something right. “It is him, and at the same time it isn't him. The demon is in every aspect Dean Winchester, but he is not the one we know.”

 

“How do you know?” Sam probably didn't mean for it to sound as crass as it did, but it still stinged. _Probably just a taste of what's to come_ , Castiel's mind helpfully supplied, and he felt the stone in his stomach travel deeper down inside him.

 

“I saw the demonized version of his soul inside him. The way The Mark has twisted it, mangled it, and brought forward the very worst there is inside Dean Winchester. Making him unrecognisable.” Castiel's gaze flickered down at his open hands, he couldn't bear to look at Sam for the next part. “He didn't mean what he did.”

 

“Cas,” Sam's voice was soft now, the crass tone erased. Like he knew how vulnerable the angel was. “What did he do?”

 

“... Last night…” The words had to be forced out, as it there was an apple stuck in Castiel's throat. It left him gaping like a fish into his hands. Castiel's body were as tense as a wire. Every instinct told him to fly away, to hide inside a coven for the rest of his life. This however, was not an option. Sam needed to know, Sam _deserved_ to know. The Bunker was the safest place for his child, he had to stay there. This was something Castiel just had to force himself to do. “Last night he… he and Crowley abducted me and… Dean had sex with me.”

 

A deathly silence settled between them. Still unable to look at Sam, Castiel stared into his hands with a nauseous feeling in his gut. Just like he had done for something that seemed like decades ago, when he asked God for guidance in the Crowley-purgatory matter. To no surprise didn't Castiel's father answer this time either.

 

“Dean… raped you?” It sounded as if Sam's whole universe had just been ripped away from under his feet. It was probably how it had felt for him as well. “I'm so very sorry Sam.” Castiel voice broke, tears he refused to let fall shined in his eyes. They didn't deserve to fall. Everything was his fault. Therefor was it not in Castiel's place to whine about it. “If I just had resisted harder. If I had just fought. If I hadn't given in for my own selfish needs, none of this would have happened.”

 

“Cas no…” A warm calloused hand fell on Castiel's shoulder, squeezing it gently. “Don't do that to yourself. This isn't your fault. Do not think for a second that it is.”

 

“You don't understand,” Castiel sobbed, unable to keep the tears at bay any longer. Sam didn't understand how it all was his fault. Didn't understand what Castiel had done. “I've wanted him for so long, and when he offered himself to me I just… couldn't fight him off. I let myself believe that it was our Dean, let myself believe that Dean would ever want me in that way and I just… gave up. I didn't even have the strength to push away for Dean, and now…”

 

Castiel pressed his hands against his eyes. He couldn't do it, he couldn't tell Sam about the baby. Telling him about the sex had been hard enough, telling him about the baby would destroy everything. Destroy his friendship with Sam, his last possible ally. Destroy his child's chance of being safe, of having a home.

 

“Oh Cas,” Sam wrapped his arms around the stiff weeping angel, empathy thickening his voice. “None of this is your fault. It's going to ok. It will be alright. We will get him back.”

 

“He will hate me,” Castiel whimpered, imagining how the real Dean, his Dean would react. How hatred and resentment would fill those beautiful green orbs again. “Like he did before.”

 

“No, no, no.” Sam squeezed Castiel closer to himself, trying his best to comfort the angel. “He has never hated you, and he never will, ok? This will work itself out, just wait and see.”

 

“I'm sorry.” Castiel sat up, wiping his eyes. The comfort Sam offered only made him want to completely lose himself in his sorrow, and that was something he just couldn't allow himself to do. There were still things they needed to discuss, the worst wasn't over yet. Keeping it together and thinking of Sam was what he should do. “I shouldn't be complaining when you just found out that your brother is a demon.”

 

“I will be fine. Don't worry.” A sad smile erupted on Sam's face as he tried to reassure Castiel. “We just have to get him back.”

 

Swallowing the big lump in his throat Castiel took a deep breath. Now or never. He couldn't postpone it any longer. If he did, he would end up never doing it. That much he knew for sure.

 

“Sam,” Castiel croaked, fiddling with his sleeve. “There's more.” Fighting his inner battle with kicks and claws, Castiel did his best to ease the words out.

 

“I'm pregnant.”

 

Several minutes were passed in silence. Castiel was in shock, he had actually said it. The secret was out. Each pump of his heart grew louder and louder, filling up Castiel's ears. With each passing second Castiel grew more and more terrified and anxious. Then Sam understood that Castiel was serious.

 

“Uhm… Cas… you are a man,” Sam stuttered, looking mildly concerned at best. “You can't… what are you even…”

 

“I'm an angel.” Any other situation and Castiel might actually have found Sam's rambling a bit funny. Now it just made him agitated to see how out of words Sam was. “We don't have genders. Not like humans anyway. Male-pregnancy has happened before in history. It's rare, but it happens.”

 

“So you and Dean…” Sam looked horrified. “Oh my God… Is it even possible for demons and angels to have children? I mean… heh. Isn't it against your nature or something?”

 

“Well, yes.” Castiel nibbled on the inside of his cheek. “That is why this child will be hunted down.”

 

He should probably have said that more tactful, if Sam's face was anything to go by.

 

“Nephilim's -the child of a human and an angel- are seen as an abomination in the eyes of my brethren,” Castiel explained, rubbing his forehead in distress. “How do you think they will see this child? I could hear them screaming over 'angel radio' before I turned them off. Crowley was terrified of this child, and it is barely conceived.”

 

“That explains the way the Bunker acted… ehm…” Sam leaned back in his chair, ruffling a hand through his hair. “So... what do we do about it?”

 

“I have already decided to keep the baby.” Castiel licked his dry lips, practically shaking in anticipation. Sam had been surprisingly fine with the situation so far, maybe everything would be alright after all? “If I hadn't I would not be here. I would have killed myself to save the world from this child, but I know that it's not going to evil. I know that this is hard and difficult, and that you probably think I'm a fool, but the baby is not evil Sam. It's truly not. I can feel its presence inside me, there is nothing bad there. Just an innocent child with a bad beginning.”

 

The chair creaked below him as he leaned towards Sam. Although Sam hadn't made any signs of anger or disappointed, uncertainty still flooded through Castiel's veins. The Winchester's poker-face were extraordinary, and Castiel didn't want to be fooled again. There was still the big question he needed to ask to really know where Sam was standing in this.

 

“Will… Will you let me stay?”

 

_________________

 

 

Telekinesis was a demon trait Dean hadn't purchased in his short time as a demon. The interest just wasn't there. What was the point when he could just do things with his own hands? It was borderline laziness if you asked him, but now? Now furniture flew through the air without Dean even needing to think about it. It was like he had been born to do it, as though his powers came to life from Dean's anger. The angel had left him. Left him. Like he always did, like Dean didn't mean anything to him. Crowley had helped his angel run away from him, taken his blade, betrayed him. He was going to kill him, sweet and slow, if he didn't return his items. Big chance he would kill the king of hell anyway.

 

“Crowley!” He roared, sending another hotel chair flying into the wall. “Get your stupid bitch face here right now!”

 

“Really Dean?” Crowley manifested in front of him. “Is that any way to talk to your partner in crime?”

 

“Where's the angel?” Dean growled, ready to slice the king of hell's stomach open and feed his intestines to rats. “Where's The First Blade?”

 

“I have everything under control.” Crowley's eyes flickered over the destruction Dean had laid on the hotel suite. “I see you got a power-up after all.” The last sentence was spoken so lowly that Dean almost didn't catch it. What the hell was Crowley rambling about?

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Castiel,” Crowley answered, looking back at the Knight of Hell. “Angels and demons do not have sex often, and I was wondering if you got any side effect from it. Feathers certainly did”

 

“Did how?” Dean was getting sick of the attitude Crowley had. How dared he be so unaffected by Dean's rage? He should be down on his knees, begging for forgiveness for taking Dean's properties away from him.

 

“He got his grace back.” Crowley rolled his shoulders, like it was obvious. “That's why I had to let him go. Couldn't have him smite my favorite demon now could I?”

 

“And the blade?” Crowley's words had done nothing to calm the thunderstorm inside of Dean. He craved blood. He craved _death_. He wanted Crowley to show him more respect, he wanted his items back. “Where is it?”

 

“With the angel,” Crowley informed rolling his shoulders. “He took it with him. Don't worry though, we will get it back in due course.”

 

“You want me to believe that you just let him take it?!” Dean was in Crowley's face in a blink, knowing that Crowley was lying to him. Funny, he hadn't learned how to use his demon wings yet, but he had flown anyway. Crowley didn't get to lie him in the face. Did he really think that Dean was an idiot? “Don't lie to me Crowley. You helped him out of that collar and let him take the blade. I'm gonna give you one last chance to explain why you betrayed me. Then I'm gonna rip you to shreds.”

 

“Alright, alright, calm down. I did let him go, that's true, but it was for our benefit,” Crowley surrendered, raising his hands in mock-defeat. “You need to focus on training your powers. He was an obvious distraction, and he wouldn't leave without the blade. Said if he couldn't take you with him, he would have the blade. You know how dramatic he is.”

 

“You had no right to do that!” This time it was Crowley who flew into the wall instead of a chair. Dean's began to see red. How _dared_  he? How _dared_ he make decisions for Dean?! “Now you listen to me you arrogant dick. We are going to get my angel and my blade back, and then you're gonna leave me alone.”

 

“What is your obsession with Castiel anyway?” Crowley choked out, struggling against Dean's hold over him. He had not foreseen that Dean had grown this much in power already. Dean needed to controlled, he was bad enough before his and Castiel's spawn powered him up. Now he was just an inconvenience for everybody, like a five-year old with a loaded gun. “Human you I get. The guy was head over heels for him, but you? You are a demon Dean. Just forget the angel already and let's move on to more important matters.”

 

Where was Crowley's _right_ to tell him what to do?! Where was Crowley's right to make decisions for him? They had a deal about how long them howling at the moon would last. The deal would last till Dean, not when Crowley was, no expiration date, no timestamp. It was Dean's decision if he wanted to add Castiel into the deal. Not some pathetic king who couldn't fight his own battles. Crowley would always interfere, like Sam always had done. Like Bobby, Castiel, the angels, the demons, everyone, they would all always interfere. He would never be left alone, never be able to do what he wanted without some stupid dick-head trying to stop him. They had forced Cain into hiding, forced him to live his life under a rock, for him being left alone.

 

Dean would not let that be his fate. Screw em', screw em' all. There was only one way for him being left alone. Nobody really bothered Crowley right? He was left alone because of his position, because almost every demon feared him. If Dean were to destroy Crowley's regime, take over, rule it, he would be left alone. Alone to do what he wanted. Dean Winchester, the king of hell. It had a certain tone to it… oh yes, Dean was liking this new idea very much. Only… The angels, Sam, hunters, they would all still be a problem. They could always be killed off, erased from the planet. Or, Dean could rule over them to. With Castiel as his queen, forever with him, by his side. It was perfect. His little angel could rule over the feathery dicks while he handled the demons.

 

However... demons were disloyal little bastards, and pretty much all of them hated him. He needed subordinates who would only be loyal to him if he was going to succeed in this little plan. That would be difficult… A wide smirk blossomed on Dean's lips.

 

“What?” Crowley croaked. “What are you smiling about?”

 

“I've just decided something,” Dean hummed, tightening his hold over Crowley. “You don't get to say what I do or not. I ain't your frickin' bestie or your pet. I decide whether I take Castiel back or not. I decide if I want to hang out with you or not. I'm the one who decides if I put one between your eyes or not. If I wanna do something, I'm gonna do it.”

 

“You don't even know what you want!” Dean's hold over Crowley finally gave in, letting Crowley drop to the ground. “You can't even explain why you feel the way you do, or why you even do the things you do!”

 

“I know I wanna kill you because you are a nosy bastard,” Dean hissed, hearing broken glass crush under his foot as he stalked towards Crowley. “I know I want the angel because he's mine, and I know I'm gonna rip your throne out from under your ass for the hell of it.”

 

“Are you now?” Crowley sneered, brushing dust of his suit. “You're barely even a demon yet you spoiled little brat! You have no chance against me. ”

 

“So I didn't just flick you against the wall like you were a bug?” Dean leered, raising his eyebrows mockingly. “I know I'm a lot more powerful than you intended Crowley. I can kill you whenever I want.”

 

Fear oozed out of Crowley like air. Dean could obviously not be handled by the child gloves anymore. This plan to rule hell with Dean, create the perfect hell with him, was not going the way he intended at all. Well, he never intended for Castiel to get pregnant in the first place, but here he was. The plan was to keep Dean in the dark about the child and get him under control, since they couldn't exactly kill him off. How foolish could he be? When had anything been ever that simple when there was a bloody Winchester involved?

 

“Ah, the crazy ones,” he said, playing it cool, not letting his frustration and disappointment show. Leaving Dean to his own devices to warn moose and feathers about him, was not something Crowley would be comfortable with, but had to do. Being on Castiel's good side would be more in favor to him than being on Dean's. “You're only good for a couple of weeks.”

 

Dean could see that Crowley was about to fly away. The way his wings twitched and the way his back straightened gave it away. Typical Crowley. Running away as soon as his safety is at risk. There was nothing Dean could do at that moment to stop him, but he was actually fine with it. Crowley was probably going to go to Castiel. Whether it was to get his blade as a peace-offering or to warn the angel he didn't know. Didn't care either. He had all the time in the world, he would get his blade back, he would convince the angel to be his queen, he would get his throne and kill Crowley. It was only a matter of time.

 

_______________

 

Sam was in fact not as calm as he had led Castiel to believe. He just hadn't wanted the angel to freak out and run away. From the way Castiel had kept on the edge of the chair, body tense and eyes scattered and terrified, was it exactly what the angel had planned on doing if Sam had reacted wrongly. However, he was actually freaking a bit out. Ok, a lot. For one, his brother was a freaking demon, not hosting one in his body, but an actual freaking demon. How the hell was he suppose to process that? How was he suppose to deal with the fact he might never make everything right with the real Dean? Or the very fact that he might actually never get his brother back again? Sure, there was the demon cure, but there was no guarantee that it would actually work. Not now anyway.

 

Castiel had told him about the restored grace and healed wings. How Crowley had rescued him out of fear for how the child might have powered up Dean, and what Dean might do if he knew about it. Told him how Crowley had hidden The First Blade, and how the child would start a war. That was another thing Sam just couldn't digest yet, the hybrid and his brother raping their friend. Sam knew the staring-contests between his brother and Castiel were the result of sexual tension, but he'd be damned if he ever tried to talk to Dean about it. He could never get his brother to open up about his feelings for Castiel, or anyone else for that matter. Getting him to talk about his feelings in general were a nightmare. Plus, there was always something going on, something more mayor they needed to discuss, to fix.

 

Sam had hoped it would solve itself, that Castiel or Dean would finally reach out to the other, and talk to each other about something everyone already knew. However, it had never happened and now had demon Dean made a mess of it all. Even if Castiel hadn't gotten pregnant this would be a mess. The real Dean would never forgive himself for what he had done to the angel. Hell, Sam wasn't sure if he could ever look at his brother the same way again. Demon version or not. This would always be between his brother and Castiel, no matter what anyone did, and the child would be the living proof of what had happened between them. Castiel had been so scared that Sam would be angry at him, for letting Dean have his way with him, like this could be his fault.

 

What a mess it all was. Male-pregnancy and the Dean and Castiel situation aside, was the baby. The mix of a demon and an angel. Castiel had insisted upon it being good, that it was nothing evil inside it, that whatever good there was left in Dean had gone into the mix. Sam wanted to believe it, he wanted to believe that the child would not rip the world apart, but he couldn't do it. Not completely. He trusted Castiel, that wasn't the issue.

 

The issue was that he couldn't trust Castiel's judgement in this, he was the one carrying the child. For all any of them knew it could be the child influencing him to keep it. Who knew how powerful this thing even was? Crowley was scared of it, the angels were scared of it, the Bunker had flipped for a few minutes because of it. Not like it had done when the angels fell, but still flipped. There was not a shred of doubt in Sam's about whether the child would start a war or not. He only doubted what place would that leave them.

 

What was he going to do? Forcing Castiel to get rid of the child was certainly not an option, not that he wanted to anyway. He couldn't do anything that would make Castiel leave, it was to dangerous for the angel out there alone. If something else happened to him he would never forgive himself, but how could he protect Castiel and the child, and save Dean? Of course Castiel wanted to save Dean as well. It wasn't that. However, Sam didn't want the demonized version of his brother to come near the angel again.

 

Not before they had found a way to get rid of The Mark, or cure him at least. The only good that had come out of this was that Sam now knew why his brother had left. A small comfort, barely even there, but it had answered a lot of questions. It had held Sam back from losing his mind. He could reach Dean now, if he wanted, he could form a plan to save him. No more desperate attempts to find his brother with no guarantee of success.

 

Crowley would pay for ever leading Dean anywhere near Cain, for introducing him to The Mark. Sam would kill him himself. It was going to be so satisfying to finally see the life disappear from the demon's eyes. Perhaps Sam would have to wait for his moment, - due to Crowley being a possible important resources - but Sam knew the moment Crowley stopped being useful would be his last. Castiel would certainly not object to it, most likely would the angel help killing Crowley off.

 

Sam was at the moment sitting in The Men of Letters' library, reading up on everything involving supernatural pregnancies, and The Mark of Cain. The smell of old papers, parchment, leather bindings and dust would surely etch into his skin and clothes, if he kept this amount of research up over the next months. Still, it was better than blood, that had been the alternative. The demon Sam had brought home from his _hunt_  hadn't exactly been cooperative. Castiel had gone into the kitchen to make himself some food.

 

The pregnancy was already taking its toll on the angel, eating was only the first sign of it. Tiredness would definitely follow, if the look in Castiel's eyes were anything to go by. They would have to get help with this, from someone who actually knew what they were doing. Who would that be? Who would know anything about this kind of pregnancy? Who could they trust with this? Except from Charlie and Jody were all of their friends dead. Charlie was in oz, and Jody had her own life with Alex. Sam didn't want to drag her into all of this, not if he could spare her.

 

“Thank you again for letting me stay.” Sam looked up, seeing Castiel nibble on a PB&J sandwich in the library doorway. “I know that this is difficult for you.”

 

“It's fine Cas.” Sam pushed the book he was reading away from him, to give the angel his full attention. “After all you've done for me and Dean this is a small favor in comparison. I'm happy you're here.”

 

“Thank you.” Castiel took another bite of his sandwich, a small smile crossing his lips.

 

“It doesn't taste like molecules anymore.” He nodded towards the sandwich in explanation.

 

“That's good.” Sam smiled, willing himself to ask Castiel more about the previous night, and, hopefully, about the decision to keep the child as well. “So Cas…”

 

 _Bang, bang, bang!_ The knocking thundered through the Bunker's walls, startling both Sam and Castiel. Someone was knocking on the front door. Their eyes met, both hitting the same conclusion.

 

“I'll get The Demon Blade, you stay here and…” Sam began, but stopped when Castiel raised his hand.

 

“I'm pregnant, not handicapped Sam.” He laid the half eaten sandwich down on the table. “I can follow you to the door without being in danger.”

 

There was no reason to argument with Castiel, not if the look in his eyes were anything to go by. Sam sighed, both in mirth and frustration.

 

“Stay behind me at least.” Sam picked up Ruby's knife, and made his way up to the entrance, with Castiel right behind him. Outside of the Bunker was, as expected, Crowley. A thin layer of dust and something that looked like plaster covered his coat, and he looked angry. Angry and very, very annoyed.

 

“We have a problem,” He stated looking at both of them.


	4. Trouble in paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I suck at updating. Really sorry about that. Big heartfelt thank you to everyone leaving kudos, comments, and bookmarkings. It warms my heart more than you know<3

 

Castiel should get an award, an award for the biggest imbecile on earth. Why was he always such an idiot? He had been safe, safe with Sam on the same page as him. But now? Now he was in a mountain in Nepal, alone and furious at the universe. His enraged grace lashing out and causing avalanches. In an useless attempt to _save_ him from what was causing him pain. It acted on his emotions it would seem, and Castiel couldn't remember if he had ever been this furious or frustrated as he was now.

 

_”I can't risk it Sam!”_

 

His grace flashed out again, making Castiel feel as though he had been split open. Another avalanche coursed down the mountain side, as they'd done for hours now. With one word, one tiny stupid word, had he ruined everything. His friendship with Sam, their safety, his child's safety. One word that had ripped them apart, and it was no. Sam had been so insistent, so stubborn. He wouldn't listen to what Castiel said. Though, Castiel supposed that was how fights happened. With both parties refusing to hear the other. Getting more and more frustrated with every second.

 

_”We can't let him destroy himself!”_

 

Sam had been right. That was the problem. The demon inside Dean was tearing his human part to pieces. Crushing whatever was left of their Dean and erasing all hope of getting him back. At least not in Castiel's opinion. Crowley had been so concerned, so anxious, when he told them what happened when Dean woke up. How he, so unlike their Dean, wanted to rule. Rule over hell. Sam had laughed, saying no demon would want a Winchester as king. Crowley had laughed at that, reminding Sam of when every demon was ready to follow the boy king. It scared Castiel to the bones to think what the demon could be doing to get that kind of followers.

 

_”If he's locked up he can't hurt anyone!”_

 

_"We don't know if a devils trap even works on him anymore!”_

 

_"We have to try. He's my brother.”_

 

_"Don't talk to me like I don't know who he is Sam! I know exactly who he is! But I can't risk everything on a chance play!”_

 

Now that Castiel thought about it, he and Sam had never fought before. Not like this anyway. Not the types of fights were you shout and say things only the dark part of you mean. Things that you know will hurt the other so much, but you don't care. Because that's the point of saying it, to hurt them, to see the words hit them in the most gruesome way. To make them feel as horrible as they made you feel.

 

_”Y'know this would never have happened if you didn't let the angels fall.”_

 

_"Well, if you hadn't left him. Leaving him alone, feeling like crap for the whole Gadreel orchestra. Thinking that you didn't care about him. He would never have accepted the Mark so easily!”_

 

_"Like you were there for him either!”_

 

_"As you may recall was I a bit busy healing you!”_

 

_"Yeah, and if you hadn't trusted Metatron, you could have been there to heal me instead of Gadreel! Where were you then Cas?”_

 

_“I was on a road, human, scared and ALONE! I've been alone a lot, trying to prove my worth to you and your brother! To save you! I trusted Metatron because he said he would shut heaven's gates, and you could finally be free of the pestering disappointment I am!”_

 

_"...”_

 

Castiel smashed his hand down, seeing more snow roll down the mountain side. He had been quick to leave the Bunker after that. His grace had been near explosion, and Castiel's wish wasn't exactly to blow Sam up. No matter how angry he was at him. Therefore was he here, away from any humans, knees deep in snow and letting his grace do as it pleased.

 

It was cold and silent on top of the mountain, Castiel's own heartbeat the only thing he could hear. He was so angry, at Sam, at Crowley, at Dean even though he knew this wasn't really his fault. Castiel was angry at himself and the universe for putting him in this situation. For putting them all in this situation. Hadn't they all suffered enough?

 

The thought of facing Sam again after this was as appealing as being stabbed in one of his wings. One part of him wanted to smack Sam's head against a wall. Another wanted to apologise to him. The last one never wanted to see any familiar faces ever again. Nevertheless, he couldn't avoid Sam for the rest of his life. He had to head back eventually. No matter if it proved futile. At least they could part on better terms. That way wouldn't he be entirely alone.

 

He stretched his wings out, feeling the wind blow through them. Now that he thought about it, was it probably for the best to wait until morning with their confrontation. He was too emotional now, too angry, too scared. It was best if he just checked in for a motel for the night. The tattoo on his abdomen would prevent anyone from finding him anyway. Plus, weirdly enough, was he actually sleepy. Another courtesy of his baby he supposed. A smile formed on his lips as he stroked his flat stomach. In reality could he never be completely alone again, and that warmed his heart more than words could express.

 

He flew to a motel near The Bunker, scaring the man at the desk almost out of his shoes. After a quick explanation of “I just walk really quiet” was Castiel lying face down on a bulky bed, wings wrapped snugly around him as a blanket. Sleeping was one the things he had missed the most about being human. Turning his mind and body of was something he wished angels could do. Experiencing it again would be something he would cherish dearly. It would be nice to relax and shut his mind up for once, to stop worrying. His eyelids fluttered closed and he fell asleep almost momentarily.

 

 

 

 

                                                                    ___________________

 

 

 

The night was quiet and warm. You could smell the summer in the air, feel the warm wind brushing against your skin. Boots scraped the pavement as Dean took a deep breath, excitement tingling at the bottom of his belly. If this worked would nothing be able to stop him, no one would stop him. He would get exactly what he wanted easier than anyone could be able to predict. They'd never even see it coming.

 

Dean ran his hand along the metal of a sheriff truck parked outside a cozy lookin' house. If this worked he could be with his angel again soon, and this time was he not gettin' away ever again.

 

 

_________________

 

 

 

 

“For the last time Crowley. Shut up!” Sam massaged his head, doing his best not to stab The King of Hell in the face for the hundredth time. “I know that he is gone alright?! I know it was stupid to say those things to him!”

 

“Yeah, especially since feathers was right.” Crowley took another sip of the glass of whiskey he had so nicely provided himself with. “Bringing squirrel here would have been pure suicide. I didn't come here trying to save your sorry asses only for you to screw it up.”

 

“I just want to protect my brother,” Sam grit out. “No matter how dangerous you two thinks he is.”

 

“That's because we've met him Samantha. You still think it's your brother pulling some of the strings in there. Believe me. He isn't.”

 

“Oh, believe me, I know.” Sam turned away in his chair, reminded about what the demon did to Cas. “Doesn't mean I will just give up on him anyway.”

 

Crowley sighed dramatically, slumping back in his chair as though the conversation was exhausting him.

 

“That wasn't what Castiel was aski…”

 

“If the demon gets to do as it pleases any longer there may just be nothing left to save!” Sam snapped, feeling the fear and helplessness he had felt in years rise. He turned back full attention back on Crowley. “One of these it may just be too late for Dean! There are some things he will never recover from that the demon might do! Heck, it might already be too late, after what he did to Cas!”

 

Crowley considered Sam for a few seconds before he got up, drank the last sip of his whiskey, and began to move towards the door.

 

“I don't have time for this,” he murmured under his breath walking up other stairs. “It's like working in a damn kindergarten.”

 

Crowley reached the top of the stairs before he turned towards Sam again, a grim look on his face.

 

“I've fetched the Impala for you, it's parked outside.” Crowley threw the keys down to Sam, who barely catched them in time. “Look at this way Sam. Either you drive that car around the country to find your brother, find him, and get slaughtered. Reassuring that Dean can never truly come back, and losing the best friend you guys ever had in the process. Or you use it to find feathers, and you save the world, and your brother yet again. Your choice. Please show me I picked the right side.”

 

Crowley turned to leave, but stopped short yet again.

 

“Oh yeah. By the way, I want that demon in your dungeon back now.”

 

 

                                                                  ___________________

 

 

 

 

Castiel woke up eight hours after he went to bed, tangled in his bedsheets. His right arm twisted in an uncomfortable position, while his left foot had lost its blood flow. He peevishly sat up, wiping drool from his cheek. Wasn't the damn point with sleeping feeling refreshed and well rested? Well, Castiel sure didn't feel either of those things now. It felt more like sleeping had drained whatever energy he had left. It shouldn't be allowed to feel exhausted right after you've slept. Eight hours wasted on lying in a clumpy, warm bed for exactly nothing. Why the hell had he choosen to sleep at all?

 

The glowing digits on clock on the bedside table showed 05:28 AM. If he wanted could he probably go back to sleep, but really, what was the point. The bed creaked as Castiel got up. He felt so heavy, like someone had decided to fill his veins with cement instead of blood. He remembered when he was human, and someone had woken him up in the middle of a deep sleep. It had felt exactly like this.

 

What woke him up in the first place? The motelroom was deadly quiet, except for Castiel's own breathing. Had it been a sound? An instinct? Or was it the grace forcing him out of his slumber? Castiel wished he could find it in him to care about it, instead of how his hair looked.

 

_bzzzzzzzz_

 

If Castiel could actually jump out of his own skin, this would be the moment he did it. The startled whine ripped from his voice echoed through the room as he jumped one meter right up. Feathers spiking in shock on his wings. He realised within a second that it was just his phone ringing on the nightstand. Head shaking and a small smile on his lips he went to pick it up. It was Sam. Of course it was. Castiel's thumb hovered over the phone for some solid seconds before he decided against his feelings and picked it up.

 

_”Cas! Thank God, I've called you for hours.”_

 

“I was asleep.”

 

The phone went silent.

 

_”Kids' taking it' toll on you huh?”_

 

“Yes I suppose it is.”

 

_”...”_

 

_"Listen, Cas… I'm…”_

 

“No need for apologies Sam.” Castiel sat down on the bed again, tingling in his leg a bit to uncomfortable. He felt surprisingly calm, like he just wanted this over with. “We both said things we shouldn't have.”

 

_"Yeah but… I still feel sorry. It was unfair of me to pressure you right after what you went through.”_

 

“Please don't remind me.”

 

They went silent again. Castiel ruffled his hair in distress, pressing his eyes shut as memories as the previous night flashed through his head. He just wanted this conversation over. He knew how this was going to end.

 

“I'm assuming this is making up before saying goodbye.”

 

_”... What do you mean?”_

 

“There is no compromise out of this Sam. It's either your way or mine. It's your brother or me… and everyone knows who you will choose.”

 

_"I don't have to choose.”_

 

A humorless laugh escaped Castiel's lips. His heart clenching.

 

“You're right. There's not really a choice for you anywa…”

 

Castiel felt his body being lifted up and thrown through the motel room, smacked against the wall, and pinned there by a force he recognized. The phone slipped from his fingers, landing with a faint _thump_ , with the sound of Sam calling his name coming from it. Castiel groaned and sent his grace through his body to heal the damage done to his head and back. Dread filled his stomach as he heard footsteps stomp into the room. At least five was there with him if he'd counted correctly.

 

“Castiel,”

 

With the sound of his name he opened his eyes. Seeing someone he did certainly not want to see.

 

“What have you done?”

 

Hannah looked as though someone had broken her heart, while his other four siblings just looked filled with disgust, rage, and shock. They all had their hands up, using their powers united to keep him pinned against the wall. Not that it was any point. Castiel could feel how weak it was around him, easy enough to break. Not that they needed to know that.

 

“How did you find me?” He strains out, weaker than he really is. Anger surfaces under his skin again. Why couldn't he have a single moment of peace? Without being stressed, hurt or emotionally drained?!

 

“That _thing_ inside of you,” Hannah spat, looking disgustingly at Castiel's stomach. “It's like a damn siren. We just had to follow the sound.”

 

“That _thing_ inside me is a baby,” Castiel sneered, lifting his wings. “It saved my life. Healed my wings. There's nothing evil inside it Hannah. Only good.”

 

“How far you've fallen brother.” Hannah looked at Castiel with pity. As though he had lost his mind. “Who is the father?”

 

Castiel stayed silent. No way he was going to tell them what Dean had become.

 

“Fine. At least tell me it wasn't consensual. Tell me it wasn't you choice to carry this abominat…”

 

His bonds broke with a mere snap. The other angels had the time to look afraid before it was their turn to smack against the wall. They all fell to the floor with Castiel towered over them. Wings thrown into their full width, grace glowing underneath his skin. Rage filled his veins, his emotions over the last days sending him into a rampage. His true form almost ripping his body apart. The feeling was intoxicating sweet.

 

One of his brothers attacked him, angel blade pulled out and a murderous look upon his face. Castiel laughed at him. No way he was a threat to him. With a snap of Castiel's fingers was he disinigrated, blood and gore splattering everywhere. Hannah gasped and clasped her hand over her mouth, pressing her back against the wall to get away from Castiel.

 

“Do not call my child that ever again!” Castiel shouted in Enochian, shattered glass raining down over him. He snapped his fingers three more times, feeling his brethren's blood rain over him. Leaving only Hannah left, covered in blood and shaking. She closed her eyes, and Castiel could suddenly hear her on angel radio.

 

_"Castiel is the one!”_

 

He surfaced his blade pressing it against her throat, effectively silencing her. She swallowed thickly and looked up at him with eyes filled with fear. Her true self was quivering, he could see it with ease, but it wasn't the only thing he saw. Hannah's vessel was still in there. Soul shining underneath Hannah, and she was horrefied.

 

“If I ever see you or any other of my brethren ever again I will smite them on site.” Castiel leaned closer, fully invading Hannah's personal space. “I still have some affection for you sister, so I will spare your life. You need to deliver the message for me anyway.”

 

Castiel tilted his head, looking at the soul once more.

 

“But I'm going to expel you from your vessel. You've put her through enough.”

 

“I have?” Hannah threw her head back and laughed, causing the angel blade to dig into her skin, blood forming beneath it. “What about you? When have you ever considered your vessels wishes?! Think about what you're putting it through this second!”

 

“My child will make the world better,” Castiel bit out.

 

“Will it? Look around you! Look at what you have done because of it!”

 

Castiel looked around him, remembering the last time he had this kind of power with distaste. Could he be turning himself into that person again? Suddenly bursted a scorching agony in his left wing, tearing through his wing bone. He realised to late that Hannah had used a great deal of her power to cut through his wing, almost cutting it off in the process. A roar of agony left his mouth and he twisted away from her. Giving Hannah the opportunity to push him to the ground and stab him in the back of his thigh. Slicing a wound down to his knee.

 

Castiel roared and twisted over to his back, kicking Hannah with his unharmed foot in the knee, hearing it crush under his foot. As soon as she hit the ground screaming was he on top of her, wing hanging limply from the flesh below the bone, just by his shoulders.

 

Blood sprayed over him as he sliced Hannah's back open, right were her wings used to be. Hannah whimpered, trying to pry herself away from him, but Castiel easily pinned her down and stabbed her through her wrist, twisting his blade cruely around. She screamed out again, and Castiel could suddenly hear running footsteps in the hall. Damn it! They had made to much noise.

 

Castiel placed both hands on Hannah's face and used as little powers as he could to force her out of the vessel. He could feel Hannah being forced up to heaven, leaving only the human left. The human whimpered beneath him and he hurridly pulled the blade out of her arm, healed her, and crawled towards his phone on the floor. Thank the sweet lord. It wasn't broken. Sam was even still on the line. Just as the first police officer came into the room had Castiel gone "invisible girl" in the corner of the room. Now since he couldn't fly away, was that the only want to avoid being asked stupid questions.

 

“Sam…” He croaked out as he watched Hannah's vessel sit up from the floor.

 

´"Finally! What the hell happened? Are you alright?”´

 

“I wouldn't use that term,” he huffed, watching the officer help Hannah's old vessel, -Caroline- up from the floor. “I'm too weak to heal right now… the angels… they know it's me…”

 

´"Stay there Cas. I tracked your phone, I'm coming to pick you up.”

 

“Trust me. I'm not going anywhere,” Castiel joked with a thick voice.

 

 

________________________

 

 

 

People didn't tend to stay at motels for a very long time. Therefore didn't anyone pay attention to the woman in room 153, The Boogie Inn, New york. For them was she just another strange face, meaningless and fleeting. Forgettable.

 

Some thought her a bit peculiar, with those weird loose clothes, something that seemed like bone necklaces, and simply the way she talked to them, as if she knew them. She always seemed to know their names, even though all were fairly certain they had never met her before. But they all quickly brushed it off, it was probably nothing of import.

  
This woman's name was Isa Mikkeli, and she was a psychic with the ability to read minds, among other things. At this moment she sitting cross-legged on the floor in her dimly lit motel room, candle lights flickering in a circle around her. Her face scrunched up in a grimace of concentration, platinum blonde hair tied up in a bun, and you could hear her mumbling to herself.

 

“Castiel…” she mumbled, knitting her eyebrows closer together. “He's the one…”

 

The candles flickered. Isa's face relaxed as she let out of a puff of laughter. Dark-blue eyes opened, and looked over the room which was flooding with what the elderly man in next door would call; “satanic mumbo-jumbo.” She blew the candles out and got up from her spot on the floor.

 

“Those Winchester's,” Isa chuckled out to herself. “It's always them.”

 

She picked her phone from the nightstand and dialed a number. Those boys were absolutely going to need all the help they could get.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give me feeback on everything you think I can do better.


	5. Isa and Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically an introduction of my OCs, and Cas and Sam finally talking some things through.

Castiel hadn't left the bunker in over a month and a half. He had almost not left his room at all. Because when he did was Sam there. Looking at him with those sympathetic concerned eyes, that Castiel knew were all made up, and insisted on _talking_.

 

Castiel didn't want to talk. He wanted Sam to leave him alone in his room, either sleeping, reading or watching television. Most movies did he already know the plot of thanks to Metatron, but soap operas on TV was something else entirely. It was a good way to shut his brain up, as was reading. He had more than once found himself sneaking inside Sam's room to borrow his fantasy books. His brain really needed a break from thinking, and kept his feelings at bay.

 

To avoid Sam had he also picked up on the habit of turning himself invisible when he left the room. Now that he had to eat and drink was that the only way he wouldn't have to sneak out in the middle of the night. Not that he didn't do that as well. Usually around 03.00 AM would a deep monster like hunger hit him, and more than once had he found himself eating right from the jelly jars with spoons, or munching down on something else. If he wasn't passed out cold on his bed that was.

 

Like this wasn't annoying enough was it the so called _morning sickness_. Why the hell was it called that if it wasn't in the mornings? Every damn time he ate or so much as _smelled_  food came whatever inside his stomach out of his mouth. Trying to control it didn't work either. If he ate he threw up afterwards, so simple was it. Which left him hungry and seriously pissed.

 

Thankfully had it not been a problem for him to heal his wings after the fight with Hannah. It had just taken a very long time. Castiel had been mildly panicked when he had heard the Impala's engine from his corner in the motel room, thinking for a few seconds that it was Dean, and had been ready to fight with blood and nails. However, it hadn't been, and Sam had easily gotten past the police barriers. Castiel had refused to talk about what happened in the car, and he still refused now. There was nothing they needed to discuss. Sam didn't want him were he couldn't control him. That was the only reason he had dropped their fight.

 

No way Sam had chosen him over his brother. No way. No, Sam wanted him with him. Where he knew what he was doing. Not that Castiel particularly cared. He didn't have the energy for that. It was just the way things were. These days did he barely have the energy to go to the kitchen anyways. Being pregnant was _exhausting_. Plus there was the fear of someone trying to kill him as soon as he went outside. A justified fear if you considered what happened last time he was outside.

 

They had made zero progress on The Mark, or where Dean was, or what he did. No one had seen him. No demons or hunters had seen him. Not a single lead. Just nothing. To be honest was Castiel not so very disapointed. He didn't want to see the demon ever again before they had a cure for him. Not anytime before that. The less he saw the demon the better. All he wanted was to stay there, be safe, find a cure, and have this baby. He didn't need to go outside, or go on a hunt. The Bunker was safe, and this was where he intended to be.

 

That was what he had said to Sam, and it was the truth. At least half of it. Castiel hadn't turned a blind eye to his behavior with Hannah. How cold and distant he had been. How he hadn't cared about his actions. His grace was out of control. The last time he had this power was when he devoured the souls in purgatory, and that hadn't gone particularly smooth. If he so much as sneezed the grace exploded at the nearest object. It wasn't safe for others for him loose out there, but didn't Sam need to know any of this. No, it was better for everyone this way. Not that Sam agreed. He thought they should talk things through, discuss their feelings and such. Now more than ever understood Castiel Dean's annoying resistance to talking things through. The thought of telling Sam things he didn't want to think about, admitting every fear and discomfort, - making it even more real in the process - made him want to throw up for reasons other than the _morning sickness_. It was the certainty that Sam would react awfully that made him sickest. Not the fake concern. That had he'd gotten used to a long time ago.

 

Right now was Castiel busy with watching some movie set in the western time. He couldn't exactly give the movie credit for its historical accuracy, but he understood this movie was suppose to make people laugh. Because of its many awkward moments, sarcasm and the way it toyed with the time. It did at least get right the amount of ways people could die in the old times, which was kind of the theme with the movie. Just when the main character got peed on by a sheep gave his stomach one of its monster growls.

“Why do you even get hungry when you reject everything I eat?” Castiel grumbled, glowering at his stomach. It was still very flat, not exactly a surprise when he was just about six weeks along, but he could feel the little one inside him all the time. Feel its power circling around it like womb. Couple of days back had Castiel for the first time heard its little heartbeat, irregular and week, but very much there. His lips had almost cracked from the wide smile that had crossed his lips. Now had the heartbeats evened out, and where beating loud and steady all the time. That was one of the things that reminded Castiel this would be worth it in the end. The Bunker was, as usual, quiet. Sam was probably of somewhere, either on a hunt, buying food, or reading in the library. Castiel strolled in the halls, not really thinking about anything. The way to the kitchen knew he as well as the back of his hand. One time had he actually sleep walked to the kitchen. When he woke up was he back in bed with jelly all over his coat.

 

“Nothing?!”

 

Castiel came to a sudden halt just before the kitchen door. It was Sam. Damn it.

 

“And you're sure they've looked properly?”

 

“Yes. This is something that actually concerns me too you know. They haven't even seen anything even remotely like your brothers work. He has disappeared. You Winchesters tend to do that annoyingly enough.”

 

Crowley, of course. Telling Sam that Dean was gone with the wind. As usual. Castiel wasn't exactly sure how he felt about Crowley. He did _not_  like him, he never would, but he was valuable to them, and them to him. Without a doubt. Crowley was a businessman through and through, he would always pick the side with most profit to himself. Which made Castiel pretty sure he wouldn't turn against them. Especially since he and Dean wasn't friends anymore, and Dean threatened to steal his crown.

 

Then again, it was Crowley. There was a lot of bad blood between them. It would always be, but as them had Crowley changed over the years. He hadn't been the same since the purification ritual two years ago. After that had he seemed to want to hang with Sam and Dean instead of his demons. Perhaps being with people you ruled over was boresome. Maybe he was lonely and wanted friends. Nevertheless, it was Crowley who had gotten him away from Dean's side, and warned them about what Dean had become. He had lied to protect them, and Castiel wouldn't forget that anytime soon.

 

“The Mark needs to be sated right? Wouldn't Dean need to kill then?”

 

“Yes, but there hasn't been anything. Nothing demonic has happened the last month without my knowledge.”

 

“Then where is he?! What is he doing?!”

 

“Well, that my dear Samantha, is the billion dollar question. I figured he was going to snoop around here. Looking for his little knife, but nope, nothing. Maybe he has figured he doesn't need it anymore or something, but that just isn't the Winchester way. Eventually will he come here looking for it or feathers.”

 

Castiel pressed his eyes shut and pressed his palm over his stomach. It had become a habit of his to do that when he got nervous or agitated, and thinking about Dean returning to get him did both.

 

“ _A good liar sticks as close to the truth as he can get_. Wasn't that your excuse for saying that we have the Blade?”

 

Listening to Sam mimic Crowley's british accent was actually hilarious, but Castiel wasn't in the mood.

 

“I had to sell the story you big moose. What about you? Do feathers still _feel under the weather_?”

 

Castiel tiptoed a bit closer to the door. Was that Sam's story for him hiding away?

 

“It doesn't concern you how Cas feels.” Sam bit out.

 

“Of course it concerns me,” Crowley barked. “He almost blew me up in your brawl. His new and very great powers rely on his feelings. I don't want to come here and risk blowing up because everything gives him a fright.”

 

“Cas isn't like that,” Sam said. “He just wants a break, to feel safe. Considering what he's been through I wouldn't hold it against him.”

 

There was a long pause. Castiel was completely baffled. It almost sounded like Sam cared.

 

“Did you two really make up?”

 

Castiel could see with his inner eye the way Crowley squinted at Sam.

 

“Yes of course. Why?”

 

“Because, over the years, no matter the situation or distress, has Castiel always done what he can to save his precious humans. Whatever the cost or effort. I haven't seen him with you, not once, over the past weeks. You told me wasn't feeling well, but for me does it seem obvious that something is wrong with him. It's as though he doesn't care about anything anymore. There is something he's not telling you, and that is probably since he doesn't trust you with it. I suggest you fix that.”

 

Castiel didn't want to hear the rest, nor did he want Crowley speaking with Sam any longer. Therefore he walked in like he hadn't heard anything, keeping his head down and pretending to think hard about something. He gave it a convincing touch by pretending to startle when he saw them, like he hadn't expect to see them.

 

“Cas…” Sam said, sitting up a little straighter and giving Castiel a quick smile.

 

“Hello.” Castiel made his way towards the refrigerator. “I was just going to make myself a sandwich.”

 

“Oh, uhm yeah,” Sam coughed, obviously out of words.

 

“Any news of Dean?” Castiel asked, fishing out the peanut-butter and the jelly. “I assume that's why you're here Crowley?”

 

“Yes. Nothing new I'm afraid.” Crowley raised his eyebrows when Castiel licked some jelly of his thumb, before he smeared it on a piece of loaf.

 

“You eating a lot these days?”

 

“Yes, sleeping too,” Castiel explained nonchalantly, putting the peanut-butter on. “I am also constantly tired, if you wondered.”

 

“I didn't,” Crowley grumbled. “Where have you been at? Haven't seen you for some time.”Castiel could feel Crowley's piercing eyes in his neck. 

 

“Most likely in my room sleeping.” Castiel took a big bite out of his finished PB&J and hoped that if he threw up, he would do it on Crowley. The demon was annoyingly nosy. It was quiet for a while, only sound being Castiel's chewing. It was the kind of silence where you wished someone would say something, but no one did. Sam looked restless and nervous, fidgeting and shifting in his chair. While Crowley looked as though he was irritated with something, and waiting for them to do something. Eventually did he get enough and got up from his chair with a groan.

 

“Well, I'm off. I have actually some important things to do.” He brushed the wrinkles out of his suit. “Just make sure to call me if squirrel shows up.”

 

“What if he just wants to talk about his feelings and means no harm?" He sent Sam a look. "Or maybe he's on vacation on some remote island and never comes back? Should we still call you if we know where he is then?” Castiel said, just to annoy. “Maybe he wants to spend his demon days partying.” Crowley walked up to him, squinting and frowning. He actually reminded Castiel of a dog.

“There is something off about you feathers,” Crowley sighed, looking at Castiel with deep irritation. “It doesn't seem like you care about anything.” Castiel opened his mouth to answer, but just then, like fate, hit a wave of nausea him. He felt his stomach contract as he coughed and retched, before he threw up all over Crowley's suit and boots. Crowley jumped backwards, making an outraged and startled sound. Castiel couldn't help but letting a small smile stretch his lips. His wish had been heard.

 

_____________________

 

“Cas?” Sam gently opened the door to what had become Cas's room. The TV was on as usual and Cas was sitting on his bed, back against the headboard and eyes glued to the screen. Crowley had been right, though Sam didn't want to admit it to him. There was something off about Cas. Had been for the past weeks, the few times Sam had seen him. Cas had refused to talk about what had happened with the angels, to talk to him at all really. Sam didn't think Cas was angry at him, almost wished he was, instead of this withdrawn and apathetic. Anger did he at least know how to handle.

 

Cas hadn't asked about Dean once before today, and today had it seemed more like he asked about something casual, like the weather. He barely helped Sam with the research with the Mark of Cain, and outright refused to go outside. Sam understood that he was afraid, but his behavior worried Sam beyond measure. They needed to talk things through, but Sam had learned long ago from Dean, that forcing someone into this type of conversation rarely went well.

 

“There has been another prison break,” Cas suddenly said, nodding towards the screen. “They suspect a gang leader is behind it.”

 

Sam walked further into the room, to see the screen. It showed a female reporter in front of the prison, with an enormous amount of police cars and firetrucks behind her. There had been a prison break just a week before. That prison had also been at top security.

 

“The police is going to love this,” Sam laughed, imagined the police tie themselves in knots because of this.

 

“Was there anything you wanted?”

 

“Oh, uhm yeah.” Sam shifted uncomfortably. It was that kind of somewhat hostile yet indifferent tone Cas generally had these days. Like Sam was a nuisance he couldn't wait to get rid off. “There seems like there is a hunt not very far from here, two hours at most. Seems simple enough, just a salt & burn. One victim recently moved into an empty house, boiled from the inside out. I thought it would be good for both of us to get out of the Bunker for some time. Take our mind of Dean.”

 

He let the last sentence linger a bit. Cas shifted, and for a second could Sam swear that fear flashed up inside Cas's orbs, but when he looked twice it was gone. Just his usual blank mask of indifference.

 

“No thank you Sam,” Cas said, still not looking at him. “I don't think I am in a fit state for going outside among people.” His tone made it clear that there was no room for argument.

 

“Right,” Sam shifted a bit before he went for the door. “You're gonna be ok here alone?”

 

“Of course,” Cas said, picking up the remote and changing the channel. “Have a good time.”

 

 

_____________________

 

 

Isa was ecstatic. Finally, after _weeks_  with searching, going to every possible hunting location she could imagine had she found Sam Winchester. Pulling up in that infamous Impala right in the diner she was in. She almost jumped off her chair with glee. Sam was much taller than she had imagined, though that could have something to do with the way he walked. Like he wanted to be smaller than he was. Sam placed himself in the booth right behind her, ordering a salad - _health enthusiast huh_ \- and a glass of water. Isa knew she should probably have acted more carefully than she did, but _ugh_. In her opinion was it easier to lay all the cards on the table, and hope for the best.

 

Therefore walked she over to his booth and sat down right in front of him. She had to chuckle at the strings of questions that crossed Sam's mind, a lot of _what_  and _who_  as well as the wonder if he should flee.

 

“Hey.” Isa smiled friendly at him holding out her hand to shake. Sam looked even more confused. “Isa Mikkeli. I thought it was time that we met Sam.” Sam visible tensed, his brain screaming danger.

 

“How do you know my name?”

 

“Well, the Winchester boys has always been famous, especially since your faces was all over the news.” Isa shrugged and drew her hand back. “Before you ask, no. Not a demon, not a monster, and nope not an angel. Yes, I am willing to let you test me with holy water and whatnot.”

 

Nope, still didn't relax, but at least was he more curious than wary now. He quickly and discreetly tested her, before he sat up tensely.

 

“You a hunter?” Sam's eyes swept unsure over her, to check if she had weapons.

 

“I'm not armed, and no I'm not a hunter.” Isa knew it was a bit mean to play him along like this, but his thoughts were so funny. Hearing him try to piece everything together, to decide whether he should run or talk to her.

 

“What are you then?” Isa could easily hear that he was growing impatient, with or without the ability to read minds.

 

“A psychic. I want to help you guys with the baby.”

 

“Heh, what baby?” Sam chuckled. One didn't have to be a mind reader to understand that Sam was lying. It was almost pitiful how easy he actually was to read. The dash of fear in his eyes, the thin smile and the way he instinctively placed a hand behind him, most likely where he had his gun.

 

“Please Sam. I can hear thoughts.” Sam's fake smile dropped easily. “Just give me a chance to explain. Then you can choose if you want my help or not.”

 

“Fine,” Sam bit out, crossing his hands over his chest. “Explain.”

 

 

“Okay. For like six weeks ago felt I this kind of force, a feeling you can say. Don't ask me how, but I knew immediately that Castiel's baby existed. Though I didn't know it was Castiel's back then. You know the feeling you get when you watch a show and put all the pieces of the plot together, realising what's gonna happen? Yeah it was kinda like that. I knew that child would change the world, - again don't ask, I'm just going with flow here - and that I would have to help whoever the parent was. I would call it my fate, if it wasn't for my disbelief in it. Let's settle on calling it an instinct.” Isa stopped when the waitress came with Sam's food. Chubby old woman with the blessing of just having her first grandchild.

 

“Thank you.” Sam smiled politely at the waitress before she waddled of. Then he turned to Isa again. “How did you figure out that it was Cas?”

 

Isa hummed.

 

“I am one of those chosen to understand Enochian, and since I had no other way of figuring out who the parent was, I simply connected myself into angel radio.”

 

“You can do that?” Sam gaped at her.

 

“Yes Sam I can do that.” Isa smiled at the impressed look in his eyes. “I was coped up in a motel room for like two days, meditating to connect to it. Though in reality should I have guessed it would be a Winchester. You get yourselves in the worst of knots.”

 

“Family tradition you could say.” Sam fidgeted with his hands, thinking about his father and Dean. “How do you think you can help?”

 

“I have a friend who specialises in… unregular pregnancies you could say. She would like to assist as…” Isa stopped. What was it Sam had just thought? “Sam… where is Dean?” Oh damn. Really? Dean was a demon? Shit, The Mark of frickin' Cain? How did these guys even manage to get themselves in these types of things? They should actually get an award for this shit. Wait, Dean was missing as well? Oh my God.

 

“Well, that complicates things,” Isa sighed. “Is there something else I should know?” Sam stared at her, panicked thoughts screaming in his mind. “Please Sam. Don't shout so much, I'm gonna get a headache.” Isa laughed before she gasped.

 

“Wait wait wait. You've got the real King of Hell looking after him? Gee what sort of contacts do you boys have? Do you even have him on speed dial? This is just so cool. His names Crowley huh? My sister loves a song called , can't wait to tell her about this. Don't worry, she won't tell anyone. Wait why are Crowley looking for Dean? Oh shit, Dean wants to rule hell? I knew you guys have a problem with authority but damn. Can he even do that? Oh he's super powerful that's why… shit he's the baby daddy too? That's why he'd so strong. Wow, this is just like a soap opera…” Isa ducked her head in her hands, irritated with herself.

 

“Sorry, I know I'm rambling. Difficult to shut it off sometimes.” Isa coughed awkwardly. “I'll, um, shut up now and let you talk.” Sam laughed, mouth spread wide in a real smile.

 

“Well, I guess I don't really have to tell you anything now.” He snorted, crunching down on his salad.

 

“So this friend off yours… the one specialised in unusual pregnancies. How do you know her?” “Oh, uhm. She helped me with my pregnancy.” Isa said. “Flew all the way to Finland to help me out. The pregnancy caused me to hear everyone's thoughts at every moment, really annoying. And I got really bad dreams and kept connecting to angel radio. Mildly said, I was going mental. Without her help had I probably ended up in an asylum. Couldn't exactly go to my doctor with this. We stayed in touch after.”

 

“You have a child?” Sam stopped eating. It was obvious she didn't seem old enough to be a mother to him. “Yes, a son.” Isa fished forward her phone, easily sliding up a photo of her and her toddler. A little boy with just as blond hair as her, but with round brown eyes instead of blue. “He turns two in October. His name is Ian.”

 

“Where is he now?” Sam gave her phone back to her. Isa putted it back in her pocket.

 

“Home in Finland, my sister is taking care of him while I'm gone.” Isa shook her head. “His dad isn't in the picture.”

 

“Oh, right.” Sam took a sip of his water. “So you, uhm, left him to come and help us?” “Yes,” Isa said. “But he's going to be fine. Eda is used to babysit him, and I FaceTime with them every night. I just knew this was something I needed to do.” Isa took a deep breath.

 

“I know you can't trust me right away. I don't expect you to, but could you at least set up a meeting between us and Castiel? I can't imagine any of you really know anything about the pregnancy, yet alone the birth.”

 

“Eh, no we really don't,” Sam said. “But Cas… he hasn't…”

 

“Gone outside for over a month,” Isa finished for him. “Not since the angels found out.”

 

“Yes,” Sam sighed. “He doesn't want to talk, or go outside, or do anything really. Besides watching TV or reading. I says he just wants to stay where it is safe but…” “But he's acting different since your fight, and you believe there is something he'd not telling you.” Isa finished again. She took a deep sigh, leaning back. “Things had been so much easier if everyone could read minds.”

 

“Yeah, and much more difficult,” Sam chuckled, imagining all the fights he would get into. “I know he's afraid of something, just not what. I mean, I can guess what it is, but it would be better if he just talked to me. In this particularly does he remind me so much of Dean.” Sam turned quiet.

 

“You guys really need to have a deep talk,” Isa mumbled, checking her phone. “Well, Dawn - That's my friend - says she is available tomorrow night. Just try to persuade him. He's gotta have some questions too. You can decide the meeting place and everything, hell take Crowley with you if that makes you feel better.”

 

“I doubt Crowley will ever make me feel safe.” Sam finished his salad and rubbed his hands over his face. “Cas can just fly away if he gets scared… Yeah I'll try, but I need your number.”

 

“Yes of course.” Isa took Sam's phone. “How did you find me by the way?” Sam asked, concern filling his voice and thoughts. “You didn't… I don't know, track me or anything.”

 

“Hehe no. I just went to every possible hunt I could find, in case you were going.” Isa gave Sam's phone back. “I am well funded, and I have always loved to travel. When I was young took me and my sister a really long road-trip. We drove all the way from Åbo - that's the city I live in - to Spain. We got really sick of sleeping against the windows.” “Yeah, and you get that crick in your neck.” Sam rubbed his neck, pained by the memories. Isa cringed.

 

“Don't remind me.” Isa stretched her neck, feeling phantom pains.

 

“I should get going.” Sam looked behind him, motioning the waitress to come with the bill. “I have an angel I need to socialize.”

 

___________________

 

“I'm not going.” Castiel crossed his arms over his chest and snuggled down in his bed to make a point to Sam. He would not leave this bed if not to go to the bathroom or the kitchen. Certainly not to meet two strangers and talk about his baby. Even if Sam said Isa had seemed _honest_  and _trustworthy_.

 

“C'mon Cas… you can just fly away if something happens,” Sam sighed rubbing his forehead. He stood in the doorway, shoulder leaning against the frame, with no intention of leaving Castiel in peace.

 

“Not going.” Castiel was going to turn the television back on, but Sam swiftly moved over the room and snatched the remote away from him. It was apparent that he was growing impatient, as though Castiel was a child in the middle of a tantrum. That did nothing to calm down Castiel, and he could feel the grace boiling and his teeth clenching inside him.

 

“Cas, I do really believe that she means well.” Sam placed the remote on the nightstand, and Castiel suppressed the urge to snap it back. Instead raised he his eyebrows in a fake surprise at Sam. Making it very clear that he was not convinced. At all.

 

“You've been fooled before.” Castiel knew that it was below the belt but he just didn't find it in him to care. He didn't want another fight, he wanted to be alone. Apparently was that too much to ask.

 

“Cas… you've got to have questions about the pregnancy as well.” Sam sounded so tired, and the way he leaned his head back certainly got on Castiel's nerves. “It's not as though either of us actually has any experiences in this.”

 

“I will be fine,” Castiel bit out. It was always the same. He didn't want to do the thing the Winchesters wanted, he wanted to do something _his_  way, and he was the stupid and mean one. “I've watched humans do this for centuries.”

 

“Yeah, _watched_.” Sam pinched the bridge of his nose. “We have no idea how we will do this, we don't even know what we need.” Castiel didn't say anything, he just turned away from Sam and hoped he would leave. It wasn't just the fear of meeting these so called allies that put Castiel off. Sam was right, they could just fly away if anything happened. It was this damned grace of his, reckless and unpredictable. He didn't want to test it again. Didn't want to play God again. Didn't want it to call out to more enemies where he was. This was of course, the thing he wanted the least to tell Sam.

 

“Cas, I get that you're scared, and I don't blame you. I really don't,” Sam almost whispered behind him, and Castiel could feel a tension building in his chest and head. Why couldn't Sam just leave him alone? He had certainly had no problems with it over the years before now. “But you can't hide away in here forever. Just talk to me. Please.”

 

“Leave me alone Sam.” Castiel couldn't tell him, couldn't risk it. He couldn't even look at Sam, in fear that he would have a moment of weakness and the words would spill out. The tension in his body intensified, like a balloon growing bigger.

 

“I'm not gonna go anywhere.” The hushed tones were as flown away, and replaced with a firm stubbornness. Castiel could feel the bed dipping when Sam sat down. “This has gone far enough. I can't watch you hide yourself away anymore and do nothing about it.”

 

“It's better this way,” Castiel pressed forward. His voice sounded strangely choked, and he realised with dread that this was hurting him more than he wanted to. He coughed to remove the lump in his throat as best he could, and tried not to remember the times the Winchesters had left him. “Now leave.”

 

“No it's not. Cas, please.” A hand landed on his shoulder and squeezed. Castiel tried to shake Sam away, but the hand stayed firmly in place. The balloon grew. It became a problem to breathe normally. “Let me help you.”

 

“There is nothing you can do,” Castiel whispered to keep his voice steady. A big stone of panic landed at the bottom of his stomach. He didn't want to cry, didn't want to feel as though he suffocated, even if he didn't need to breathe. Not in front of Sam. He didn't want the feeling of complete helplessness taking over, or face the facts that it was indeed _nothing_  any of them could do.

 

“Just tell me what bothers you.” It was so tempting, so very very tempting. To just tell him, get it over with. Don't carry the secret anymore. Castiel finally shaked Sam's hand off and stood up. He needed peace and quiet. Needed to get a grip. “Don't push me away.”

 

“I can't.” He couldn't, he couldn't, he couldn't. Sam would throw him out, lock him up, or maybe he would kill him. Maybe he would just kill his baby. Castiel was going to make a run for the door, or maybe fly away again, but Sam was ready. In one swift move had he jumped up as well and grabbed Castiel's hands. Effectively keeping Castiel from flying off.

 

“Is this about what happened with the angels?” Sam stared so fiercely in his eyes and Castiel felt a pang of anger. Why did Sam so suddenly want to know about his well being? Why even bother? “Or our fight?”

 

“Stop pretending that you care,” Castiel snarled trying to shake Sam off. A cold slimy hand gripped his heart. It was unfair of Sam to do this to him.

 

“Of course I care!” Sam shouted with unexpected anger. It was the only thing keeping Castiel from letting his grace lash out on him. He wanted to hear what lies Sam came up with this time. “Do you think I would be here if I didn't?”

 

“Yes.” Castiel was so sick and tired of being played with and manipulated. Five years, almost six, awfully long and wonderful years had he spent giving everything he could give to help the brothers. To save and try and be a part of their family, because he believed the world was better with them there, that he could belong with them. Because he needed them, needed them more than he needed to exist, and they did not need him in the same way. Only if he was useful. Why couldn't' they just love him like he loved them? “I'm here because you want to keep an eye on me.”

 

“No you're not.” Sam looked as though he had never seen Castiel before. “You're here because you're family.”

 

“As long as I'm useful.” Castiel felt as though he was going to explode. The tension was near breaking point, but Castiel wasn't afraid anymore of Sam seeing how vulnerable and hurt he actually was. What could that possible do? Sam wouldn't care anyway. “Do you really want me to believe that you actually chose me over Dean?” Castiel made a cold humorless laugh. Feeling a sick glee fill his veins and the tension subside. Though the cold hands grip didn't subside. “Your brother, whose been a father and mother as well to you, over me? Please Sam, I'm not a moron.”

 

“I never had to choose Cas.” Sam eyes was filled with sorrow and it pissed Castiel off. He didn't want Sam's damn pretend empathy, he wanted Sam to be honest with him. “We're gonna find a cure and get him back.”

 

“And if we don't?” Castiel finally shook Sam's hands off and gave the youngest Winchester a cold stare. It was the thing neither of them wanted to think about.

 

“Then I will still have you and the kid.” Sam could as well have punched Castiel in the face. How could Sam stand there and lie to him like that? Castiel moved backwards and felt hot tears burn in his eyes. If they didn't get Dean back was there no point. The child's birth would kill Castiel, another thing he hadn't told Sam, and never would. There would be just Sam and the baby, and Castiel couldn't trust Sam to take care of it all baby himself in the middle of grieving his brother.

 

“Castiel.” The sound of his full name caught Castiel of guard. He could see how Sam resisted the urge to move towards him. “Let me prove that you can trust me, please. Just tell me. I can help you.”

 

“I can't tell you Sam.” Castiel's voice finally broke and he tried to make himself as small as possible.

 

“Why?” Sam asked. “What are you so afraid of?”

 

“I am scared what you will do!” Castiel turned away and wrapped his arms and wings around himself. He imagined that this was how a child felt. “Of me! To lose everything! The usual fear of being alone!”  

 

“Cas…” Sam made a move towards him, but stopped when Castiel flinched violently. “There is nothing you can do to make me harm you in any way.”

 

“You can't promise me that.” Castiel knew Sam was lying. He just wanted Castiel to tell him.

 

“Cas… if we lose Dean…” Sam cleared his throat. “You're all I'm gonna have. You're my best friend, and in many ways, a brother.” It sounded so real, like Sam really did care about him. Castiel wanted to raise his hands to his ears and never listen to Sam again.

 

“I can't believe you.” It was so painful. Why couldn't Sam stop lying to him. Every fiber in his body told him that Sam lied. The words just slipped out of his head, stamped as false. “I just can't.”

 

“Do you really think that after everything we've been through that I don't care about you?” Sam's eyebrows knitted together and he sounded completely baffled. “That I wouldn't gladly die for you? That I see you as just as a weapon or something?” Castiel nodded. He turned back against Sam, waiting for the other shoe to drop. This all would be so much better if Sam admitted that he was right, and left him alone to deal with his emotions. Neither of the Winchester's had ever told him they loved him as family. Never. Just that they needed him, because he was useful to them.

 

“Cas.” Sam stared into his eyes. “You have to understand that I - and Dean - see you as more than an object. That I can't watch you hurt this much and do nothing.”

 

“I'm not important.” Castiel saw the way Sam's eyes widened, and this time did Castiel let him come a step closer. It really wasn't quantum physics, and Castiel couldn't understand Sam's shock at his statement. Castiel was not important at all, and things would probably be better with him gone. “This baby, getting Dean back, is what is important.”

 

“You're important Cas.” Sam took a step closer, and Castiel could feel the hand squeeze tighter. Why couldn't he just believe Sam? Why was everything so damn difficult? “More than you could ever know." Sam sighed in frustration when Castiel shook his head. How do think Dean will react to you thinking so little of yourself?”

 

“I don't think he would care.” It was true, Dean would probably not even bat an eye. Just tell him to suck it up, that everyone had issues, that he just had to deal with it like everyone else. It was true too. Castiel was just too emotional for his own good.

 

“He would. Just as I do.” Sam looked down at his hands, clenching and unclenching them. “I-I know we're not especially affectionate, or talk about our feelings much, and are often so focused about the crisis at hand that we forget everything else.” He looked up at Castiel again. “But Cas, we both love you so much. There is nothing you can say or do to change that.”

 

“… Even if I am a constant disappointment and there is no use for me?” Castiel wanted so desperately to believe Sam. So much that it hurt physically. “Even if I mess up?” Castiel could swear that he'd never felt so tiny in his entire life.

 

“Yes. We all make mistakes and do not show our best sides all the time.” Sam smiled grimly at him. “Heh, I should know.”

 

“You always meant well.” Castiel was immensely surprised at his grace for not lashing out. Last time had he not lasted this long at all, but the grace just buzzed under his skin, vibrating in his pores. Sam took another step against him, so they are standing at an arms length apart.

 

“So have always you done Cas.” Sam took a last step and placed both hands on Castiel's shoulders. Castiel wanted to shake him off. The comforting touch made tears rise in his eyes again, one even slipping down his face. An urge to sob overtook him, and he had to press his lips tightly together to not let it slip past his lips. “Now please, trust just for a few minutes, and tell me what's bothering you.” If Castiel was ever going to fly away, had it been then. He looked Sam in the eyes, and saw just sorrow and something he hoped was love. No coldness or hardness. Nothing that seemed to give away Sam's intent to trick him. Could he… no, no, Castiel wasn't going to tell him. Or should he? At least then would be all over and done with. Could he trust Sam for just a minute?

 

“I am afraid of this baby's powers.” The words made themselves out of his mouth before Castiel had even made up his mind. He was left there standing with his mouth open in shock. Except for a tiny quiver in Sam's already raised eyebrows, was there no reaction. Sam expected him to continue. “Of letting it get to my head. Of acting like I did when I believed that I was God. I'm afraid of messing up, of not being strong enough.”

 

“What makes you think you will do any of that?” Sam didn't seem concerned, or surprised. Just mildly curious.

 

“My behavior against Hannah.” Castiel found it that when he just started talking he couldn't stop. Sam finally got to know what happened with the angels, and Castiel stopped several times in the story, to see how Sam reacted. He seemed concerned about them tracking the baby's power, but other than that was he completely emotionless. “I think I will do it because of my past.” Castiel said, continuing the answer to Sam's question. “Our fight. My lack of control. Just me really. It seems to be my thing.”

 

“You wondering about the baby doing more harm than good?” Castiel gulped at the words. The balloon had decreased when Sam hadn't done anything more than tilt his head and nod along when Castiel had told him about the angels. However the hard grip of the slimy hand hadn't subsided in the least.

 

“Sometimes…” He felt horrible saying that about his child, but he had to be honest with Sam. Even if he didn't return the favor.

 

“And you believed I would think that the child is poisonous or something, and try to get rid of it?” A wide smile spread Sam's lips, making Castiel raise his eyebrows confused. What was Sam smiling about?

 

“I guess. Or throw me out,” Castiel said uncertain.

 

“I would never do that,” Sam laughed. “I can admit that I've had my doubts as well, but Cas I trust that you know what's best. You worrying about this is a good sign. Reacting with locking yourself up tells me that you won't let it go that far.”

 

“Why can't I just let it sink in that you're actually telling the truth?” It seemed just too easy, too unreal. No way Sam was standing in front of him, both hands on his shoulders and a smile on his face. Seemingly without a worry in the world. The thing was that Castiel could not sense any lie from him.

 

“Because it isn't your truth, but it is mine.” Sam looked down at his stomach. Something that looked like affection in his eyes. “And we both agree that this child deserves a chance right?”

 

“Yes.” Castiel looked down as well, finally relaxing a bit. A comfortable silence layed over them, and Castiel actually felt hope for the first time in over a year. He wasn't so afraid of being alone now. Sam hadn't done anything against him yet, and Castiel could almost believe that Sam hadn't lied to him. At least for now could he relax a bit. 

 

“Now, can we please meet with Isa and Dawn tomorrow?” Sam laughed pulling Castiel into a brief hug.

 

“Yeah I guess.” Castiel laughed as well.

 

“Oh uhm Sam?” Sam had made his way over to the door, but stopped when Castiel called out to him.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Thank you.” Sam smiles brightly at him, real joy in his eyes. “No problem.” They both jump when Castiel's stomach howled.

 

“Can I get you something to eat?” Sam chuckled looking at Castiel's stomach in mild surprise.

 

“Okey.” Castiel smiled and patted his stomach. Before he made his way past Sam over to the door. “But be prepared for me throwing it up again.”

 

“Morning sickness is a bitch huh?” Sam said behind him.

 

“Why is it even called that?” Castiel puffed irritated. Sam had no idea how much of a pain in the butt this had been for the past weeks. So he had to deal with Castiel complaining about it since they were speaking to each other again.

 

“I don't know.” Sam catched up with him and rolled his shoulders. “Maybe you should ask Dawn about it.”

 

“I will,” Castiel grumbled, but was lighter in the mood today than yesterday. “It's stupid.”

 

_______________________

 

“Shouldn't they be here by now?” Castiel groaned casting his head back over his seat. “I have to pee, again.”

 

“They will be here soon,” Sam chuckled. “Cas we've only been here for ten minutes.”

 

“Well that's too long,” Castiel grumbled crossing his hands over his chest. It is actually very rude to tell someone to meet with you and then not meeting up. He could have done other things, as peeing, or maybe sleeping. Instead he's just sitting inside the Impala, watching the raindrops hit the glass, watching whichever drop made its to the bottom first.

 

“You're very impatient.” Sam stretched, seeming relaxed and comfortable. The lucky bastard.

 

“You do not have to pee, or are pregnant,” Castiel snapped. Sam chuckled again. “What's so funny?”

 

“Nothing, nothing.” Sam holds his hands up in a surrender, though the smile lingers. Castiel squinted disbelieving at him but otherwise doesn't comment. Today had been a very good day. Sam had made him breakfast, which he actually managed to keep down. Afterwards had they watched some television talking about this and that. It felt good to be so much at ease around Sam, though the grip of insecurity and sadness was still ever present. “

 

You think that's them?” Sam asks, leaning forward in his seat, squinting at a light getting closer.

 

“I hope so.” Castiel leans forward as well, just in time to watch a motorcycle with two passengers on pull up. They both got off and took off their helmets immediately getting soaked by the rain.

 

“The blonde is Isa,” Sam said and pointed at her as she opened up an umbrella. “Let's go.” Sam slid out of the, Castiel following his example. He was a bit wary around this, but Sam had assured him that it would be okay. This was a good place to start trusting that Sam did could keep his promises.

 

“Hey!” Isa shouted over the rain. “You guys wanna loan an umbrella?” Sam gave Castiel a look, already wet hair clinging to his face. Castiel felt the rain starting to soak up his trenchcoat.

 

“Yes.” Sam closed the distance between him and the girls, happily taking the umbrella Isa held out to him. The umbrella was bright yellow and Castiel could immediately see that it belonged to Dawn. She was a chubby little girl with light pink hair, a neon green raincoat, red water boots and orange pants. Castiel could swear that he had never seen so many colors at once on one person.

 

“You must be Dawn,” Sam smiled and reached a hand forward. He had moved closer to Castiel to make sure the umbrella covered him too.

 

“And you are Sam,” Dawn smiled brightly back and shook Sam's hand. “Isa said you were tall but wow.” Dawn made a number of leaning her head back. “Makes me feel like even more of a dwarf.” She chuckled and let go of Sam's hand. “You must be Castiel.”

 

“I am,” Castiel said, nodding at them as a greeting.

 

“How are you feeling?” Dawn asked and motioned towards her stomach. “Have you had any symptoms?"

 

“I have to pee.” Castiel gave Sam a look. “I have to do that a lot. If that's what you mean.”

 

“Yeah it is. That's good, means things progressing somewhat normal,” Dawn said. “What about nausea?” Sam chuckled.

 

“Oh yes.” He continued laughing. “We were wondering why it's called morning sickness. Since Cas has it all the time.”

 

“Amen to that,” Isa puffed. It reminded Castiel that Isa was a mother, and had most likely gone through exactly the same. He sent her a smile.

 

“Hehe, you're not the first to ask believe me.” Dawn stroked some of her loose pink hair out of her eyes. “It's mainly because you are more likely to feel it in the morning, since the blood sugar level is low after a nights sleep, but it can happen at any time. Especially if you get a sensitivity to smells. Had any of that?”

 

“I have a strong sense of smell since I am an angel, but I have become more affected yes,” Castiel replied, satisfied to learn that it actually was a reason for that stupid name. “I have also started to need to eat, sleep and urinating since i conceived.”

 

“That's good, you're going to need a lot of nutrition and rest.” Dawn nodded. “You are growing a person in your belly after all. What I need to check with you is what kind of hormones your body provides baby itself, and what kinds I need to supply you with. I also have to check were the baby is laying. Your grace is probably making a protective layer around your child, but I have to make sure it's not going to damage any vital organs, and if it is possible to take a C-section. Have you had any tenderness in your chest area?”

 

“Uhm, I guess.” Castiel looked down at his chest and rolled his shoulders. Dawn raised her hands and leaned forward. Automatically flinched Castiel, and took a step backwards, so he stood out in the rain again.

 

“I'm just going to check,” Dawn assured, but made no attempt to move against him. Castiel relaxed, and was glad for not being pushed. As well as being able to come back under the umbrella. His hair stuck to his forehead, dripping water down his eyes and nose, and cold water made its way down his neck. Dawn moved his damp coat out of the way and placed her hands over his chest. She squeezed and pressed gently and Castiel became award that he was indeed very tender. This time moved he backwards due to discomfort, not alarm. “Okay then that's settled.” Dawn putted her hands in her pocket. Sam suddenly coughed.

 

“Wait, will Cas be able to breastfeed?” He stared at Dawn, then Isa who rolled her shoulders, the Castiel who just looked at him.

 

“Well yes,” Dawn said very slowly. It was apparent that she wasn't surprised.

 

“It really isn't a surprise for me,” Isa said. “Didn't you know all men can produce milk if they stimulate their nipples enough and regularly? Not a surprise that Castiel can do that when he actually is expecting a baby.”

 

“Wait really?” Sam looked completely dumbstruck. Isa rolled her shoulders again. “What else is the use off nipples on men?” She laughed, and Dawn joined her. Castiel couldn't help but come with a small smile.

 

“Have you been able to hear baby's heartbeat Castiel?” Dawn asked once she stopped humming. Automatically stroked Castiel a hand over his stomach hearing the heart loud as a drum.

 

“Yes,” he said absentmindedly. Dawn gave him a understanding smile.

 

“Since we don't know when this child will be born, it could take five months, or nine. Maybe even more.” Dawn said. “So would I like to check up on you regularly, if that's okay with you.” Castiel continued to rub his hand over his stomach, thinking it through. Both of them had been perfectly civil with him, not showing even an incline of hostility. He knew Sam had been right, that they would have to have help, and he actually longed to have some other company than Sam or Crowley. Someone he could talk to him about the baby and the pregnancy, and know what he went through.

 

“I think he's made his decision.” Castiel looked up and saw that Isa smiled at him.

 

“Can you read my thoughts as well?” He asked tilting his head. She nodded. “Took some years of practise.” Sam gave her an impressed look. She easily waved him off. “I had a lot of time on my hands before Ian was born.” She shrugged. “He's doing great.” Dawn smiled at her.

 

“You guys should probably make a list of allies by the way.” Isa gave them both a strange look. “We can't be just four, or five with Crowley, in on this. Maybe not tell them about the baby, but just so you guys can know who to turn to when things go bad.”


End file.
